24 hours NC
It's 24 hrs NC. Yay!! He didnt txt me this morning! Could this be it finally?? I hope so. Moving forward if he txts me, i will delete w/o reading. Seeing as im always feeling bad for him and fall for his words. I will not allow myself to get sucked back in.
Replies
You can do this! You\'ve been so tough for me and I know you\'ve got the strength and grit to make 24 hours turn into 24 days then 24 weeks then 24 months of NC. You\'ve got this!
Thanks for the pep talk! I needed that :) this is my goal
How you doing today CD?
And there he is. Just txted. I ignored. This is such a cycle. It\'s like I\'ve done this a zillion times. :(
What\'s wrong w me?
Hi NM, I hope you are doing good. What is the reason for going NC? Do u wanna completely cutoff from him? Well, if you wanna end this A then you have to ignore the texts. But there will be a soft corner for him, which will pull you back to this cycle. So, it\'s nothing wrong with you.
We all are here to support you. Write to us if you need any help.
- CH
Absolutely nothing is wrong, we all have this issue with telling them no...I\'m on my 7th day and it\'s taking everything I have not to initiate contact myself..today was particularly hard for some reason.
I\'m here for you!! You can do this, I know you can!!
heard
CH-
The thing is things are SO much better with my H. There has been enough distance btwn OM and myself since sept and i was able to really focus on my M I am very happy with my H and how far we\'ve come w MC. We\'re communicating better, we\'re getting that connection back. We joke around again everything is going very well.
So why then cant i just walk away from OM? There\'s this pull its true. Funny thing is OM isn\'t half the man my H is. I mean I\'ve got reason to believe hes a serial cheat, he\'s in /out of work bouncing from job to job, hes emotionally unavailable, he\'s got so much drama in his life, he\'s got financial problems. He\'s your typical bad boy i guess. But during the A my feelings for him were very real. I detached from my M and OM had my heart. It\'s so hard to just cut ties. We\'ve tried the friend thing and that doesn\'t work. There are days i think of all the times he hurt me, and i get so mad i have the strength to stick to NC and not reply to him. But then there are days when i just dont want to let go. My minds in overdrive and its emotionally draining.
What\'s your story if you don\'t mind me asking?
Heard
I broke down. Again. I replied a few hrs later. Just to wish him luck tonight. He\'s performing. He was happy i txted him n asked to talk. But i said i couldn\'t. That was it.
Damn it! Im mad. I wish i could block his number or change mine but i wouldn\'t be able to explain to my H why I\'d want to do that. It irritates me that he keeps contacting me and telling me things he should be saying to his W. i feel bad for her, bad for my H. He just won\'t stop. Either his feelings are real or he\'s extremely selfish.
Does your husband know his number? If he doesn\'t, could you tell him you have a wrong number that won\'t stop calling? When my son got his own phone, people kept calling for Brenda. We kept telling them over and over they had the wrong number. Also for a time, I would get calls from a guy who thought I was his girlfriend. He would call in the middle of the night. If it had kept up, I would have blocked him. Could you tell your H that someone keeps texting you and you want to block them? Just a thought.
He knows the number. I cant block it. They\'re both in the fathers club at our kids school.
Oh. That\'s awkward. :/
Ugh tell me about it.
What you are doing here is very hard thing. I commend you for the strength to ignore as much as you do. That is not easy.
See? This is why I just gave up...really. It is an endless cycle and I am powerless to break free. Notmyself- I totally understand this situation. I \'break up\" with my boyfriend ( I don\'t like \"OM\"...he calls me his girlfriend...on a good day...LOL). I would not say that my BF isn\'t half the man my H is...they are just completely different. BF gives me things that H can\'t. But my H is far the better partner. My BF makes me crazy! Has a way of pushing my every button. I guess I am a really strong personality type and my BF is also...and we clash. My H is ..well, a little meek. Willing to do anything to make me happy. BF is willing to make me do anything to make him happy. Its always a chore or and assignment. My H would be happy for me to sit on the sofa eating bon bons until he got home from work to peel and feed me grapes.
This is very hard. It is a cycle that only we can break at this point theiris. These OM will stay with us and keep coming back if we let them. I see ironic leaving us and it gets me mad that i too had come so far along only to allow myself to fall back in again. And the weird part is, this time around as i was falling back in, i felt like i was watching it happen. I cant explain it. I had feelings that this is SO wrong. Telling myself to forget all the loving things he\'s saying to me and focus on the facts.
He. Is. Married.
He is pursuing a married woman.
He feels its ok to do this.
Regardless of what kind of M i have, he should not keep chasing me and trying to get me hooked again. Why cant he see how wrong that is. I see it. I\'ve walked away and tried to stop this several times. I\'ve tried reasoning with him telling him how awful we are being to our S. what if we are found out and everything blows up in our faces. Think of the destruction and the fall out to our families. I\'ve tried getting him to think from the religious angle. What we\'re doing is a sin. I\'ve tried cutting ties and going NC. No matter what i say or do he is constantly coming back. He plays on my sympathies.
I am mad and frustrated. I dont want to do this all again. I want to end this for good but dont know how. I feel like I\'ve taken 10 steps backwards.
I keep hearing words from another thread - why am i so afraid to hurt OM feelings? When in the process of sparing his feelings, im hurting my H. A man who i have been with for over 21 yrs, married for almost 17. With 2 beautiful children who mean more to me than life itself.
WHY do i feel like i owe something to OM? Why do i have to spare his feelings? He knew what he was doing when he first pursued me! It took him months of convincing me if my M is rocky, then there is nothing wrong with us seeing each other because we are giving each other what we are missing in our M. Damn it! I was not raised to think that way. He weaseled his way in and i was not strong enough to stick to my guns and just. Say. NO.
Theiris - you have a good man waiting for you at home. Maybe your time has come too, to walk away. He loves you, you guys have history together. You\'ve said before you don\'t see yourself leaving you H to be with OM. Perhaps your H meekness is due to the fact that he senses something is \"off \" with you guys.
It\'s hard to walk away because we\'ve been investing feelings for a period of time with the OM. But we know its wrong. We need to do whats right. People will get hurt either way. But if the shoe were on the other foot, i would hope to God my H would choose to put my feelings and our M first before OW.