24.8.09

I havn't written in here much..Uhm so I went to my doctor on the friday just been because I was loosing control again, she got my hospital appointment moved forward to monday. It is monday now and Ive sat through 2 hours of questions and explaining what my days are like. Some of the questions were very personal. Uhm but the man said he owuld like to talk to his couleuge and so I waited and then this german guy came in the room and said he is a physciatrist and he prescribed me Olanzapine. I am scared because it makes you gain weight. The two men said tat they have worked hard to get me the appointment and don't want their time wasted by me taking them all at once. I said no I won't, and I won't because I have my england trip. I am very upset still and cried and felt worse for it. I just wish I felt more motivated. The thought of swallowing a pill makes me go all naucsous though and my stomach turns. I will see what happens.