Happy Birthday to me
My love gave me a card. He hates cards. Says he doesn't believe in them.
But this card is very inspirational for what I am feeling today. "Everyday is a new beginning another chance to learn more about ourselves to care more about others..." I care more about others now I need to care more about myself.
I had a call from my uncle the other day. I haven't heard from him in maybe 5 years. He wanted to take me out to dinner. I have a long complicated history with this man and with my fathers brothers. More than I care to say. I thought though shall I say yes and come full circle now. My uncle is just 6 yrs older than me. He was the first to get me drunk. He would bring me hard liquor as a teenager and sneak me out of my house and take me to get me drunk. That's when it all began. When I learned how much alcohol could numb my shame. The shame of all the things that had happened to me. That I had seen. Could I have dinner with him. No doubt he'd want to buy me a drink. I would say "NO it is you that started me on this path and now on my 38th birthday I quit" I think I can quit with out having that formality. I had already quit as of Monday.
Well anyway.. I just want to make it past the weekend. Then I'll take next week when it comes. One day, one week at a time. For my birthday wish I wish to stay sober for the rest of my life.
I think my wish last year was to drink less. I don't know if I drank less this year than the year before. Maybe. Probably not. But that is why this year I have going this group and started writing a journal last week. If I write everyday. Next year I'll have it all in writing. The good and the bad. Hopefully mostly good.
But this card is very inspirational for what I am feeling today. "Everyday is a new beginning another chance to learn more about ourselves to care more about others..." I care more about others now I need to care more about myself.
I had a call from my uncle the other day. I haven't heard from him in maybe 5 years. He wanted to take me out to dinner. I have a long complicated history with this man and with my fathers brothers. More than I care to say. I thought though shall I say yes and come full circle now. My uncle is just 6 yrs older than me. He was the first to get me drunk. He would bring me hard liquor as a teenager and sneak me out of my house and take me to get me drunk. That's when it all began. When I learned how much alcohol could numb my shame. The shame of all the things that had happened to me. That I had seen. Could I have dinner with him. No doubt he'd want to buy me a drink. I would say "NO it is you that started me on this path and now on my 38th birthday I quit" I think I can quit with out having that formality. I had already quit as of Monday.
Well anyway.. I just want to make it past the weekend. Then I'll take next week when it comes. One day, one week at a time. For my birthday wish I wish to stay sober for the rest of my life.
I think my wish last year was to drink less. I don't know if I drank less this year than the year before. Maybe. Probably not. But that is why this year I have going this group and started writing a journal last week. If I write everyday. Next year I'll have it all in writing. The good and the bad. Hopefully mostly good.
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