GOOD MORNIN YALL  GREAT BIG OLE GRIZZLY BEAR HUGGGZZZZZZZZZZ........SQUISHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH........   LOVE YALL  N THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE.......... IT'S MONDAY M N  THE GIANT WON THE SUPERBOWL YAYYYYYYYYYYYY.. GOTTA  ADMIT I'M HAPPY, I ALWAYS GO FOR THE UNDERDOG..........WAS A GREAT GAME .  I  MUST SAY THE COMERCIALS SUCKED........EXPECTED A LOT BETTER,YA REALLY GOTTA WONDER WHAT IS GOING THRU PEOPLES MINDS TO SPEND 2.7 MILLION DOLLARS TO AIR A COMERCIAL THAT NO ONE WILL REMEMBER,PROLLY THE BEST COMERCIAL  WAS THE GAL SINGING,WIL  REMEMBER THAT ONE,THE REST WERE PLAIN DUMB, AAHHH  WELL ENOUGH ON THAT,BREE IS HOME TODAY SHE'S NOT FEELING WELL, WE HAVE HER NEURO APPT FRI MORN AT 8.......HOPE N PRAY FOR SOME ANWSERS,DOING OK MYSELF  COULD BE WORSE N COULD BE BETTER SO NOT COMPLAININ,WELL ENOUGH FOR NOW  GREAT BIG OLE GRIZZLY BEAR HUGGGGGGGGGGGGGZZZZZZZZZZ...........SQUISHHHHHHHH  LOVE YALLChili Cook-OffIf you can read this whole story without laughing, then there's nohope for you. I was crying by the end. This is an actual account as relayedto paramedics at a chili cook-off in Texas .Note: Please take time to read this slowly. If you pay attention tothe first two judges, the reaction of the third judge is even better. Forthose of you who have lived in Texas , you know how true this is. Theyactually have a Chili Cook-off about the time Halloween comes around. It takes up a major portion of a parking lot at the San Antonio City Park . Judge #3 was an inexperienced Chili taster named Frank, who was visiting fromSpringfield , IL .Frank: "Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chilicook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and Ihappened to be standing there at the judge's table, asking fordirections to the Coors Light truck, when the call came in. I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy; and, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted and became Judge 3."Here are the scorecard notes from the event:CHILI # 1 - MIKE'S MANIAC MONSTER CHILIJudge # 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.Judge # 2 -- Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.Judge # 3 (Frank) -- Holy crap, what the hell is this stuff? You couldremove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put theflames out. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy.CHILI # 2 - AUSTIN 'S AFTERBURNER CHILIJudge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.Judge # 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be takenseriously.Judge # 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure whatI'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people whowanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.CHILI # 3 - FRED'S FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILIJudge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick.Judge # 2 -- A bit salty, good use of peppers.Judge # 3 -- Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose feelslike I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now.Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now mybackbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting sh*t-faced from all of the beer.CHILI # 4 - BUBBA'S BLACK MAGICJudge # 1 -- Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fishor other mild foods, not much of a chili.Judge # 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but wasunable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the beermaid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. This 300 lb. woman isstarting to look HOT ... just like this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is chili an aphrodisiac?CHILI # 5 - LISA'S LEGAL LIP REMOVERJudge # 1 -- Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground,adding considerable kick. Very impressive.Judge # 2 -- Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Mustadmit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.Judge # 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead andI can no longer focus my eyes. I farted, and four people behind meneeded paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding bypouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off.  It really ticks me off that the other judges asked me to stopscreaming. Screw them.CHILI # 6 - VERA'S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETYJudge # 1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance ofspices and peppers.Judge # 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, garlic. Superb.Judge # 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous,sulfuric flames. I crapped on myself when I farted, and I'm worried itwill eat through the chair No one seems inclined to stand behind me exceptthat Sally. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my butt with a snowcone.CHILI # 7 - SUSAN'S SCREAMING SENSATION CHILIJudge # 1 -- A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.Judge # 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chilipeppers at the last moment.  **I should take note that I am worried aboutjudge number 3. He appears to be a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably.Judge # 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and Iwouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world soundslike it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, whichslid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava to match myshirt. At least during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me. I'vedecided to stop breathing. It's too painful. Screw it; I'm not gettingany oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4-inchhole in my stomach.CHILI # 8 - BIG TOM'S TOENAIL CURLING CHILIJudge # 1 -- The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not toobold but spicy enough to declare its existence.Judge # 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mildnor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge #3 farted,passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Notsure if he's going to make it. Poor feller, wonder how he'd have reacted toreally hot chili?Judge # 3 - No Report