Friends.
So... Where do I start. I have 6 days left here. And I have learned a lot. One of those things is that I never want to go ANYWHERE with "L" my friend I came here with. Ever since we got here she has been somewhat of a problem. Now let me start with some positive aspects. I probably would of never done this unless she encouraged me to stop smoking. I know it was a self realization that got me to actually come, but it helped a lot to have a friend whom was in the same boat. She needed to stop smoking as well. BUT she also has a pretty good drinking problem that she hasn't been working on at all. Since we arrived she has been SO slow getting ready, making me wait for her to put makeup on get ready etc. So I have been very patient with that acknowledging I am a very punctual person and not everyone is like me. Well, she also won't wear sunscreen and then complains about her sunburn and then won't go to the beach because of her sunburn.. And then won't go to the beach when it's overcast because it isn't sunny. She also won't wear bugspray and then complains about mosquito bites. It is really annoying. So we went to this cookout the other day where she drank all day.. and could barely talk or walk when we got home. We were going to go eat but she decided she needed to shower and change before we went even tho the restaurant was closing in 45 minutes. Well it took her 40 to get ready so I wouldn't go because I didn't want to be "that person" that made the entire restaurant stay late. She she locked herself in her room until I went to take a shower took MY rental car key for MY rental car while VERY drunk and drove it to town which is an hour away. The next day she wouldn't talk to me at all like I had done something wrong. I had accidentally picked up her iPhone cause our phones look exactly alike. She has done it a few times to mine but I have it password protected. Well, there was a text that had popped up on her screen from her cousin saying "What? What did she do now the lame bitch." It really hurt my feelings and I cried myself to sleep because one of my good friends had those feelings about me. Well, it was on my mind all day so i finally said something to her asking her what was wrong and I am sorry if I did something to offend you but I don't like drinking or going out and never have, she knows that! Knowing she had a problem with me from the earlier text message I was hoping for some dialogue to work it out. She said nothing was wrong and she wasn't talking to me cause I wasn't talking to her.. Which is horse shit because I tried talking to her about stupid shit all day and she would turn around and walk away or pretend to be asleep. My feelings are super hurt. We had also made plans to hang out in Florida for a few days when we got back into the States and I told her that I didn't want to be the daisy downer because I won't want to go out drinking to bars. **Backstory: after we made the fla plans she then told me her cousin was flying in to hang out for a few days because she never gets to leave home. So she didn't say anything about being ok with me not drinking, and it would still be fun if you stayed we can just do something during the day, etc., she said: "good." my feelings are so hurt and I am just trying to make the best of the rest of the vacation. It is just so hard to be around someone that doesn't like you. I also don't appreciate being called lame just because I don't like drinking. I need to find new friends. :(
On another note: My other friend (yes I only have two, Im about quality not quantity) I let barrow my car while i was gone. Well the transmission went out on it and she won't bring it back to my boyfriends house, where she took it from, because she drove it 5 hours away. So now he has to take a day off of work and drive up there and tow it down. I feel so awful because I started a fight with him defending "K" saying nothing will go wrong. Well everything went wrong. I have apologized to him and told him I was wrong and should of listened to him, which was very hard to do, but humbling. Well "k" recently got arrested and charged with a class 3 felony. She took a plea bargain for a class 6 no jail time and probation. Her Court date is two weeks from today and she is out on bond. **Backstory: "K" is a really good person, who just made a HUGE mistake. She sounds like a criminal when I write the charges out of context and even tho this is my Journal it isn't my place to talk about her case. Well, my mom sent me an email today telling me she violated her bond and the plea is off the table. She's going to go to jail for at least a year probably a minimum of 5 because her charges are serious. I know the car situation sucks but I don't really care about that because it is a material issue and I value our friendship over anything material. I called her after I got the email and she was talking about suicide. I feel guilty not being there for her. I do not know what to do and I am so overwhelmed. I know she is exponentially more overwhelmed and I feel helpless because there isn't anything I can do for her. I know she made her own bed and has to sleep in it.... But I don't want her to feel like her only option is death. It is so hard to tell someone that their life is not over and that there are so many more experiences when she is facing 5-15.
We live in such a small town and she has already been in the paper for the first incident, the front page with picture. The media tore her to bits and now she violated bond by doing something stupid. So she is going to be in the papers again. And I am afraid she isn't going to be strong enough to get through this. I love her dearly as a friend and wish I could do more to help.
****Finally, a small piece about my "quest"*****
I haven't even been thinking about weed at all during the day or at night.. but when I am sleeping I keep having dreams about smoking and then being beyond disappointed with myself. It is an awful dream and feeling. I can't wait to get back to my families house in Florida. I am going to start riding (horses) again. It was my passion before I threw it all away for weed. I am beyond excited. My sister is going to help me get back into the swing of things. This also makes me happy because we have had a very volatile relationship and I have been wishing for years that we could grow up, stop fighting, and be friends. She is my only sibling and I really hope we can move on from our past problems and have a good relationship. Her live in boyfriend hates me and I hope he doesn't influence her. We have been chatting via email and that is a huge step. Before that, we hadn't talked in over 4 years.
Thats all for now.
On another note: My other friend (yes I only have two, Im about quality not quantity) I let barrow my car while i was gone. Well the transmission went out on it and she won't bring it back to my boyfriends house, where she took it from, because she drove it 5 hours away. So now he has to take a day off of work and drive up there and tow it down. I feel so awful because I started a fight with him defending "K" saying nothing will go wrong. Well everything went wrong. I have apologized to him and told him I was wrong and should of listened to him, which was very hard to do, but humbling. Well "k" recently got arrested and charged with a class 3 felony. She took a plea bargain for a class 6 no jail time and probation. Her Court date is two weeks from today and she is out on bond. **Backstory: "K" is a really good person, who just made a HUGE mistake. She sounds like a criminal when I write the charges out of context and even tho this is my Journal it isn't my place to talk about her case. Well, my mom sent me an email today telling me she violated her bond and the plea is off the table. She's going to go to jail for at least a year probably a minimum of 5 because her charges are serious. I know the car situation sucks but I don't really care about that because it is a material issue and I value our friendship over anything material. I called her after I got the email and she was talking about suicide. I feel guilty not being there for her. I do not know what to do and I am so overwhelmed. I know she is exponentially more overwhelmed and I feel helpless because there isn't anything I can do for her. I know she made her own bed and has to sleep in it.... But I don't want her to feel like her only option is death. It is so hard to tell someone that their life is not over and that there are so many more experiences when she is facing 5-15.
We live in such a small town and she has already been in the paper for the first incident, the front page with picture. The media tore her to bits and now she violated bond by doing something stupid. So she is going to be in the papers again. And I am afraid she isn't going to be strong enough to get through this. I love her dearly as a friend and wish I could do more to help.
****Finally, a small piece about my "quest"*****
I haven't even been thinking about weed at all during the day or at night.. but when I am sleeping I keep having dreams about smoking and then being beyond disappointed with myself. It is an awful dream and feeling. I can't wait to get back to my families house in Florida. I am going to start riding (horses) again. It was my passion before I threw it all away for weed. I am beyond excited. My sister is going to help me get back into the swing of things. This also makes me happy because we have had a very volatile relationship and I have been wishing for years that we could grow up, stop fighting, and be friends. She is my only sibling and I really hope we can move on from our past problems and have a good relationship. Her live in boyfriend hates me and I hope he doesn't influence her. We have been chatting via email and that is a huge step. Before that, we hadn't talked in over 4 years.
Thats all for now.
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