Fear

1Oct12 1:52am  Mon
  I'm so afraid of losing my sister.  Her brain tumor symptoms have increased and that's a really bad sign.  She just had major surgery with ovarian cancer and has her first chemo treatment on Mon, Oct 8th. It seems so strange that the cancer is the lesser of the illnesses.  
  She sees her brain surgeon today and he may very well decide to go in right away with the increased symptoms.  And if he nicks the wrong nerve, she will lose all ability to communicate in any way.  No speaking, understanding language (spoken or written), sign language, etc.  So in effect, I will lose my sister.  
  And it could happen today.  I'm trying very hard not to think much about that and pray I won't lose her.  But it's a huge yammering mass of fear in the back of my head and in my gut.  How do you manage such terror?  
  She's only 46.  Isn't having cancer enough?  Why does she have to have this non-malignant brain tumor as well?  It would actually be better if it was malignant, as it might respond to chemo and radiation.   
  She's so far away (I'm in Mass and she's in Florida) and she's so very alone.  I wish I could just zap down there, for both of us.  But honestly, I'm still exhausted from my last 3 week visit.  Still, I need to pull it together and be ready to fly down at any minute.  
  I'm so very tired.  I welcome all well wishes and energy sent my way!  I have a feeling I'm going to need it bad.  Nibs
 

Replies

bcbid68
bcbid68

I\'\'m so sorry you have to face this. But we always don\'t have a choice. Sometimes we have to do a gut check for others and be strong for them. And strangely enough it might make you a stronger person. Not that you not strong now. But I think you sister will need you. Without going back through your journals, Does your sister have a husband or anybody in her life? I\'ll keep you in my prayers, I wish you well my Friend, Does you sister like dogs? Maybe you could talk to someone where she at.And see if there is anybody who has a service dog and could take the dog in to see her. I know it would help me. Dogs show real emotions. Know what I mean. Brian