Down
10July12 3:48am
Why is there always a down after a good time? I can take the small valleys and hills no problem. But everytime I have a good day, SOMETHING BAD happens. Lately it's been fighting with my husband.
Since I got sick, he's struggled with it. As I'm sure everyone does. The problem is that when I got too sick to work, he had to grow up fast and find a full time job for the first time in a long time. Had to be responsible and grown up. He hates it. Don't we all?
So I struggle to fill in the holes. Struggle to do chores and errands. And it costs me. I don't get to do fun things often because I'm trying to hold the house together. And I'm invisible and all my work is invisible.
The problem is that he feels because he works hard now (7 days/week), that's the only REAL work that's going on. Since I can "sleep as late as I want" (which he did for 13 years!), that if and when I work when I get up, it doesn't count as much.
And he thinks I make up work. That it doesn't REALLY have to be done. I'm just too obsessed. If he lived in my body for ONE MINUTE, he would know what a foolish thing that is. I've pared down to the bare essentials. And the work was always done when I was working 70-80 hours/week. I just did it on top of my other jobs.
I mean, doesn't the house need to be vacummed and dusted? Doesn't the microwave and toaster oven need cleaning more than once every TEN YEARS? Don't you need to throw out old food? Dishes? Laundry? All the things I did in passing now are HUGE MOUNTAINS I have to climb.
And instead of a thank you, he criticizes me. I'm not asking for a prize, just acknowledgement. But HE'S the only one REALLY working, so what I do doesn't count.
He's forgotten all the things he had to do that I've taken on. Doctors visits, pharmacy, compost, trash, kitty litter, etc. along with ALL the housework. It's killing me. And he doesn't even NOTICE.
I feel INVISIBLE. I am no longer a real person. I am just a walking DISEASE. Bad day.
Why is there always a down after a good time? I can take the small valleys and hills no problem. But everytime I have a good day, SOMETHING BAD happens. Lately it's been fighting with my husband.
Since I got sick, he's struggled with it. As I'm sure everyone does. The problem is that when I got too sick to work, he had to grow up fast and find a full time job for the first time in a long time. Had to be responsible and grown up. He hates it. Don't we all?
So I struggle to fill in the holes. Struggle to do chores and errands. And it costs me. I don't get to do fun things often because I'm trying to hold the house together. And I'm invisible and all my work is invisible.
The problem is that he feels because he works hard now (7 days/week), that's the only REAL work that's going on. Since I can "sleep as late as I want" (which he did for 13 years!), that if and when I work when I get up, it doesn't count as much.
And he thinks I make up work. That it doesn't REALLY have to be done. I'm just too obsessed. If he lived in my body for ONE MINUTE, he would know what a foolish thing that is. I've pared down to the bare essentials. And the work was always done when I was working 70-80 hours/week. I just did it on top of my other jobs.
I mean, doesn't the house need to be vacummed and dusted? Doesn't the microwave and toaster oven need cleaning more than once every TEN YEARS? Don't you need to throw out old food? Dishes? Laundry? All the things I did in passing now are HUGE MOUNTAINS I have to climb.
And instead of a thank you, he criticizes me. I'm not asking for a prize, just acknowledgement. But HE'S the only one REALLY working, so what I do doesn't count.
He's forgotten all the things he had to do that I've taken on. Doctors visits, pharmacy, compost, trash, kitty litter, etc. along with ALL the housework. It's killing me. And he doesn't even NOTICE.
I feel INVISIBLE. I am no longer a real person. I am just a walking DISEASE. Bad day.
Replies
Boy does that hit home...except my husband has always been the one working & I stayed home to raise kids...He thought I was \"LUCKY\" being able to be a stay at home mom. but what he didn\'t realize was every other mom figured since I was home I was the perfect babysitter.. you\'d be surprised how many kids showed up after school saying my mom said it was okay to come over because she is working today, well no one called me..
Or how many company functions I catered for 200 + men on any given day because I was home....and believe me you just don\'t pull food for 200 men out your a---. It all has to be prepped, cooked & served...Tables have to be ordered & set up, thank God I always had cases of paper plates & serving bowls etc...and knew how to cool down cases of beer, water and other drinks...
This past hospital stay was the very first time in 34 years he ever did dishes, and he HAD to clean out the fridge, because things were growing after the first week. Because I had c-diff he HAD to wash everything, all the bedding & all my clothing had to be sanitized plus everything in the bathrooms had to be bleached..so when he came to the hospital he said how he took never appreciated what I did all these years..
It only took 34 years....and now we have a housekeeper who comes in once every 2 weeks because I have NO energy to take a shower much less clean it..
Maybe if you ended up in the hospital for a couple weeks he would see everything you do on a daily basis...NOT that I wish that on anyone...but errands don\'t get done on there own...and food doesn\'t get cooked & groceries don\'t get bought & put away by themselves...
Put on some good music, and if you have a good pain pill take it..And you are a REAL PERSON...The disease does not make you....Take your disease and define it, don\'t let it define you...You are Robbin and you are Suffering with CP...and it is a chronic disease the hard part is the suffering, but as you go back and reread your blog you can see, you do have good days, & we need to remind ourselves it\'s ok to have a bad day..
It would be nice to be able to drink...Sorry you have to go through this alone..
Your friend, Cheryl