I am so F*****g mad at the world!!!!!I have worked and parented and worked and parented so much that I have never been capable of keeping my home in decent shape enough to have anyone in, there has been so little time to keep up with friends that now I don't even have any,...I feel like kicking and screaming and crying and even dying if it were an option, but I don't believe in suicide, and I don't believe in giving up because that's what the people all around me do and that's why I have too much responsibility for this one (me) person to deal with, I feel like I just want to explode from the inside out and then sleep my sleep-deprived  exhaustion away in a dream world where I can enjoy a moment to myself. I feel like I am starving and gasping for air, and contained like a hostage or an animal in a cage and I feel crazy, crazy angry, crazy hurt, crazy alone, but like a prisoner/hostage that has to do all the work, and then some more work, that can't even get all done, because I don't have enough time, I don't even have enough time for enough sleep or enough hygiene, or enough self-care, and that surely isn't going to help me find and friend or significant other if I even ever had a chance to meet someone,..my money all goes to food and the babysitter, and the car, so I can take the beautiful & amazing grand-daughter to school & go to work so that I can make enough $ so it goes round and round and round! Nice, handsome men ask me out, but I cannot afford a babysitter unless I am working, she spends so much time in care already, its just crazy! There are no support programs that understand or are available once my work hours are done, They cater to welfare moms and people who have normal 9 to 5 type jobs.  Just right now on an extremely hot day, I had to shut MY windows to keep out the stink of drugs from our loser neighbors who stay home all day, using drugs and alcohol, I feel so FUCKING MAD!!!