I don't have my regular journal with me as I am on vacation, so I will write my nightly journal on here.
Yesterday was the GRE. I am so glad it is finally over!!! I am actually quite pleased with my scores. The weirdest thing though is that now that it is over my life doesn't feel any different. I usually work my self so, so hard to ace a test that when it is over my life feels completely different. Eddie taught me that the GRE isn't the end of the world. The last 3 weeks before the actual test I chilled out and didn't work myself to the bone studying or beat myself up when I didn't do perfectly on the practice tests. This is probably the first time that has ever happened. It is so good to know that tests don't have to be the end all be all. I feel that I have learned that my happiness is more important than a stupid test. I was so depressed and started cutting because of the stress. As soon as I stopped stressing I was happier. Life doesn't have to be about academic achievement. This is the first time I have ever had this perspective on life. Eddie is so supportive in helping me become a better person. He has taught me so much and really makes me want to strive to learn to love myself and to learn to do what makes me happy rather than what I think will make me happy based on society's standards. I am so thankful to have him in my life! I think that falling in love is about being with someone who makes you want to make yourself better. But you aren't doing it for them you are doing it for yourself. All I know is that I am learning to be happier, to try new things, to worry less and to start to like myself for who I am.
Yesterday was the GRE. I am so glad it is finally over!!! I am actually quite pleased with my scores. The weirdest thing though is that now that it is over my life doesn't feel any different. I usually work my self so, so hard to ace a test that when it is over my life feels completely different. Eddie taught me that the GRE isn't the end of the world. The last 3 weeks before the actual test I chilled out and didn't work myself to the bone studying or beat myself up when I didn't do perfectly on the practice tests. This is probably the first time that has ever happened. It is so good to know that tests don't have to be the end all be all. I feel that I have learned that my happiness is more important than a stupid test. I was so depressed and started cutting because of the stress. As soon as I stopped stressing I was happier. Life doesn't have to be about academic achievement. This is the first time I have ever had this perspective on life. Eddie is so supportive in helping me become a better person. He has taught me so much and really makes me want to strive to learn to love myself and to learn to do what makes me happy rather than what I think will make me happy based on society's standards. I am so thankful to have him in my life! I think that falling in love is about being with someone who makes you want to make yourself better. But you aren't doing it for them you are doing it for yourself. All I know is that I am learning to be happier, to try new things, to worry less and to start to like myself for who I am.
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