I just re-read my journal post from last night.  I didn't even remember writing it when I woke up this morning.  That happens a lot when I am on ambien.  Anyway, I had no idea how bad I was.  I am kind of scared.  I don't even know the next time I can see my psychologist because she is out of town.  I talked to my one friend about it but he doesn't live nearby.  He was helpful though.  He made me make a to-do list of the things I have to do to stop this.  I don't want to do them but I know I should.  The easiest one should be to go get some neosporin so I don't get an infection.  I feel like if I do that it makes it real.  I don't want it to be real.