I am so hurt and angry right now. Those words don't even seem real or of substance. I don't think anything can really express how I feel right now. Today my mom and I got in a fight which normally isn't a big deal. We were fighting because she told me she was going to have our cleaning lady Debbie skip my room so she would have time to clean the basement bathroom. Apparently it is really important to have the basement bathroom clean because it is tornado season and we might need it. I guess the bathroom being slightly dirty would make it impossible for us to use in an emergency. I told her that my room is really dirty because it hasn't been cleaned in a while because I haven't been living in it all year. My mom got pissed because Debbie was HER and DAD's cleaning lady and it was ridiculous for me, and able bodied college student, to insist that my parents pay someone to clean my room. That she was too disabled to clean and my dad works too hard at his job to have to clean the rest of the house. Okay, so the fact that I'm able to clean my room is valid but when I was an able bodied high school student my parents still paid the cleaning lady to clean my room. And I thought we were a family and it was our house. I guess I was wrong. I guess I am actually just a boarder at my parents house and I have no rights here. Apparently I don't really matter. I know that I am totally capable of taking care of myself, but thats not the point. All of my others friends have fit right back into their families. Their parents tell them that now that they are back at home they have to act like part of the family again. I thought parents were supposed to like having their kid home from college and treat them like they did when they were in high school. To add to this.... The other day my mom and I were talking at my friend's graduation party and a family friend came up and starting talking to us. He said something about how it must be nice having Allie home again for the summer. My mom said that they (my parents) didn't really get to see me much and that was the way they liked it. WTF. Great mom. Why the fuck am I still living at home? I could just live with Kristen for the summer. I never asked my parents because I was afraid of hurting them. Clearly it wouldn't matter. I don't even feel welcome at my own home anymore. I feel like I am a guest rather than my parents daughter. Its my house too. I hope that I don't sound like a spoiled brat. I feel like I don't demand much of my parents. I just want my needs to be met too. I want to be respected and valued and treated equally. I guess thats too much to ask.
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You\'re strong.
I know you can get through this.
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It sounds a bit like your mother is trying to get you to be more self reliant and in a way trying to force you away so you don\'t have to see her in so much pain. She may be putting up such a strong front that she doesn\'t realize how she is damaging the family.
What is being thwarted here are your expectations. Change your expectations and entitlements and suddenly people cease to disappoint you. Your self-esteem need not hinge upon other\'s acceptance of you, but your acceptance of yourself. A \"bigger\" person will let these \"offenses\" pass as they are not significant enough to disturb the path and intent of your life. Find your own focus for life and others behavior will no longer affect yours. I understand your hurt feelings, but life relationships change all the time and those who at one time were strong installations in your life are now no longer the same. Seek growth and growing relationships and allow those of the past to remain fond memories. Don\'t frame your former relationship with your mom by the end point of failure, in your expectations of her. You have too much going for yourself to be grounded by those old ways of thinking. Find flexibility and you will find maturity.