I have so much going on in real life and inside my read right now.  I don't know what to do.  Sometimes reality doesn't even feel real.  I wish I could experience real emotions. I feel sruface stuff for like a few minutes.  Its almost as if I am dead inside though.  Its just a void.  Right now I am writing this after taking some ambien so sorry if it doesn't make a lot of sense.  I'm going to bed soon but I just needed to get this off my chest.  I don't understand why I keep pushing through each day if I'm never going to be happy.  I don't even remember what happy or content feels like anymore.  What if this is the way the rest of my life is going to be?  Whats the point in living through it? I feel like I just live day to day with no satisfaction or negatives or anything.  Its very monotonous. Its boring and seems pointless.  Blah.  I want to feel again.