Christmas used to be fun for me. It was always my favorite holiday even I was mostly Jewish. I just loved the Christmas spirit. I loved to decorate the tree, go to my neighbor's Christmas party, watch the parade and most of all open the presents. Every year my parents and I would spend all Christmas Eve and all Christmas day together. I loved playing with my dad and having my mom read me stories. The past couple of years Christmas has started to go downhill. My mother annoys me. I can't get past all of the pain I feel inside whenever I think about our relationship. I can't look at her and feel happy. It just isn't possible for me. So far this year Christmas has ben terrible. Not only do I have a headache but decorating the tree was sad. My mom was being her normal self. Controlling and obnoxious. She wouldn't shut up. Even my dad got annoyed and almost never does. I just wanted it to be over so I didn't have to be in the same room anymore. I usually really look forward to Christmas morning. I love the presents and the homemade cinnamon rolls. I'm dreading tomorrow. I do not want to watch my mother open presents. She takes forever. She sounds fake. She is so fucking annoying. I don't even want my presents. Material gifts don't mean much from someone you don't respect. I just don't even care. I know this sounds petty. I sound like another teen with angst who hates their parents (or in my case just my mom) but its more than that. We have such a long history of crap between us that I couldn't write it all down if I tried. I just am so fed up with this shit. Honestly I would be fine seeing her maybe one day a year. Thats all I need. This summer is going to kill me. I just wish she knew how she made people feel. I wish she could realize what its like to endure her emotional abuse. It hurts so much.
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sorry that you are having to be the adult in the relationship. mayhaps one day she will get a clue. but until then you only control you and so that is where healing will begin. to quote a semi wise person: \"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.\"
Eleanor Roosevelt
http://home.att.net/~howington/er.html
good luck in your journey. you seem strong enough to weather the storm.
I am so sorry that you feel the way you do. My background is jewish also. My dad was jewish and my mom was American Indian and Irish. So funny when I think about it. Please rmember that your Mom probably doesn\'t know how you feel unless you tell her. But in true reality None of this is about you or her. It is all about God and how are we going to repsond or react to each other. Flesh reacts, The Holy Spirit responds. Immaturity reacts, Maturity responds. Just because she is a Mother doesn\'t mean she is mature. I raised 4 beautiful daughters that at your age said the very same things about me I am sure. God called me to be a hospital chaplain and it made me grow up and mature. It was very painful. Please understand that you can be in the same room with someone but you do not have to allow them to affect you. You can be the mature one in your realtionship with your Mom. I am so blessed that God showed me that I needed matruity and an attitude adjustment and my daughters gave me another chance to be a good mother to them. Their perception of me was way off base and my perception of them was way off base. I asked God to bring balance and HE did and it was painful but it was the best thing that happended to our relationships, Now we are closer than ever. It takes courage to be the mature one but I beleive in you that you can do it. Enjoy Christmas. God made me look up the word Christmas one year and this is what I discovered. Christ means the Anointed One Mas means to Carry the Load. Let Christ carry your load of pain and enjoy yourself. You can never get this precious time back once it passes it is gone. Do not live one day feeling sad or with regrets but enjoy the moments. That is something you will not regret. From the lips of a mother who is so glad that my daughters gave me another chance, and another chance, and another chance in life. I will be praying. Hugs & Blessings, Angeluanware
Christmas--that magic blanket that wraps itself about us, that something so intangible that it is like a fragrance. It may weave a spell of nostalgia. Christmas may be a day of feasting, or of prayer, but always it will be a day of remembrance--a day in which we think of everything we have ever loved.\"
~ Augusta E. Rundell