I don't understand myself sometimes. I feel happy and good but then part of me defects and all I want to do is push the negative thoughts away. The first way I try to deal is I think about suicide. I of course try to stop thinking about that and so I move on to wanting to cut myself. Usually I end up cutting just because it makes the thoughts stop for a little while but my psychologist told me to stop cutting. So now the next thing that happens is I start to hate my body and I try to diet. Now however all I want to do is eat. Why can't I just deal with this stuff in a normal way? Why can't I just get better? Fuck this. I'm sick of these questions. I guess my life is just going to be like this. I can't even let myself look a day ahead because I never know what I am going to feel like tomorrow. If I force myself to do too many things I don't want to then my mood goes down. I hate how the depression gets in the way of things and screws up my life.I feel like its a cop out to blame things on depression even though I know its legit. I feel so divided inside myself and the parts are in opposition to each other. grrr. I don't even know anymore. I try to use words to explain what's going on inside me but nothing is ever sufficient. I don't know how to relieve the tension inside. I think its anger but I don't know how to deal with anger. I'm also having flashbacks to last winter. Somtimes I get confused as to what year it actually is. I don't know what to do or if its even a problem. I don't know I don't know I don't know. I hate not knowing.
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Sweetie...those are prefectly normal reactions to depression. Depression can do a LOT to us...and it goes beyond making us feel down. Also, the brain will try to fix it...which can lead to cutting, ED, drug abbuse, etc. There is a lot our brain does to us and there really isn\'t an answer. It is depressions fault, but know things will get better. THings will not always be the same. Our days will always be harder, but our strength is unmatched, as we are wariorrs of our minds, in a way. There are things we do have to fight, but you know what? Every time you get up out of bed, open your eyes to another day, you are fighting this!!! You feel like ending it all would kill it, yet you chose to fight, which makes you so strong! I have been there when the words are not, and it is one of the hardest things to go through. But trust me as a person who has attempted suicide as well as been in inpaitent and therapy for a huge chunk of her life...thigs do get better as you fight! It is hard, I know, but everytime you resist the urge to cut, to kill yourself, be proud! Most can not fight, but you are! You can write each triumph in a journal and when you feel low again, just look back and see all those times you overcame! Even gettin up for a snack is a triumph, as you are fighting it! You are still here, and strong, and you can beat this! I PROMISE!
I\'m sorry for all you\'re going through but the good thing is, is that you are in therapy. It takes time but I promise it will ease.
Sweety, You first have to define the problem. What are stressed about. If it\'s being depressed thats something that you will have to come to terms with...we all do. Everything that you have explained here is symtoms of depression. Are you on meds. We all feel this way and we all hate it but until you come to terms with it and treat it things will constantly get worst. Hugs and Best Wishes. If you want to talk I\'m here
I don\'t know either. I\'ve struggled for 8 years with this without medication. The only way I know how to cope is to cut or think about suicide. I understand what you mean about not being able to look ahead. I have a hard time making it through each hour. I know it\'s not the same but I question it too. I\'m here if you need anything.
you are just starting this journey but if u take a survivor attitude u should do fine think i survived cutting i survived suicide thoughts i am going to survive depression
you are just starting this journey but if u take a survivor attitude u should do fine think i survived cutting i survived suicide thoughts i am going to survive depression
You have described exactly how I feel... I can\'t cut, I try to starve myself and all I want to do is eat, I diet and then get cravings for chocolate and crisps... it\'s very annoying. Plus I don\'t know a thing, my mind is a mess, I can\'t explain, I can\'t put things clearly, if people ask me I get stressed.
You\'re definitely not alone! Feel free to message me if you want to talk about it, or even try to take your mind off it, I guess we could both use it!
Good luck and take care!
There are no utopia jobs on this earth, ... There\'s nobody out there that can say, \'I\'ve got the ideal job and there are no problems.\' If your self worth is based on what other people think of you, you\'re in trouble. My self worth is not based on them. My self worth is based on my faith, how I treat others, what I\'m doing right for this program and these kids and this coaching staff. Other than that, I understand you\'re not going to please everybody. Chan Gailey
Know this: that whatever situation you find yourself in, it is what is necessary for your development. An entity must apply in its associations from day to day a word here and a word there, one today, another tomorrow, and the next day, with the understanding that from such activities in word and deed, self-development will come... When an entity has prepared itself through constant forward movement towards service, the necessary circumstances for change will come about so that he may see the next step, the next opportunity... Haste not and be not over-anxious; for is not the whole of the building of His making? Edgar Cayce
It is easy to be pleasant when life flows by like a song, but the man worth while is the one who will smile when everything goes dead wrong. For the test of the heart is trouble, and it always comes with years, and the smile that is worth the praises of earth is the smile that shines through the tears. Irish Sayings