I find myself considering resticting my daily calorie intake more often than before. I feel I am still in control at this point. I hope the stress of college doesn't start something spirling out of control. Its hard because I think I started using cutting as a way to deal with the stress instead of obsessing over my weight but now that I have roommates cutting is almost impossible. I was able to make two very shallow scratches with a safety pin. I'm not proud that I succumbed to my urges. I also don't trust my new psychologist yet. I wish I could still go to my one from home but obviously now I am living in a different city. when things get bad at school I feel like I don't really have anyone to talk to. I mean my roommate and some of my suitemates know my history but obviously I just met them three weeks ago so I don't really feel confortable coming to them in crisis situations. I'm scared I'm going to scare them or make them worry. I could call Kristen but I can't talk on the phone without someone hearing me. Plus I can't make Kristen fix everything. I guess I just feel like I don't have an outlet for my problems anymore. I feel confused and lost but at least I don't feel depressed...or at least not very depressed. The doctors I've been talking to have been mentioning the possibility that bipolar symptoms may emerge/are emerging. I'm so scared to get a new diagnoises. I know its managable with medication but I'd much rather just stay a depressive. I'm worried college isn't going to be all I wanted it to be. I mean I do love it and I'm having a blast but its alot like highschool but without parents. I really just don't enjoy parties but I feel obligated to go to at least a few. I guess I'll fall into a normal schedule soon. Sorry this is so long. I miss my old life.