i'm a little complacent i think what i really want is to be first in
someone else life the way people expect me to make them first,, i've
never experience that ever,, someone to say jr i put you first,, i'd
like that alot,,,i appreciate mom dad but that's different u know ,, i
was always afraid to say that ,, but yea that's what i want ,, i
wouldn't take advantage of it but it sure would feel nice,, i think
ppl have children for that reason sometimes but i wouldn't wanna have
kids to make me feel whole to me that's selfish
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i had one of those whoa is me moments today,,lol i felt this deep sadness an loneliness that caught me completely off guard, i realized that the people in my life all have lives outside of me but my life was circled almost completely around them,, that\'s not a good look. i have to get myself into something creatively fun mind stimulating an lucrative beyond the people i call friend,, i need to find something new to indulge in that\'s completely about me,,, i just don\'t know what that something is,,,
today i get up off my brown booty an do something fulfilling just for me,, i\'m not answering any calls or replying to cell text,, today i\'m courting me,
good night friend ,, even though today wasn\'t how you planned you had a day an i\'m thankful,,
Creator of All i stand before you in thanksgiving,, i love an appreciate this opportunity to live an love different,, thank you for family an friends who support an understand ,, allow our light to shine bright an even thru rain learn to dance in our own special rhythm,,
Great Mrning Sweet Spirit,, today i welcome change , i\'ve done things my way an it hasn\'t turned as i\'d like so i surrender All to you to make sense of this an trust you\'ll fix it,, until then i simply say Thank You,,
Blessed afternoon ,, i have this friend that we\'ve talked an texted for over 5yrs prayed laughed an even vented an cried together everything except met face-to-face,, just someone i think of as a friend but whenever plans are made he has an excuse not to follow thru, i know he\'s busy i see his schedule an the heartfelt responses returned from others about the many things he\'s involved in, my thinking has always been one makes time for what\'s important an his response is always \"you an i are great,, u know i lov u i know u lov me we don\'t need one another like the lost souls i counsel\" but the truth is is what we have a genuine friendship when first we\'ve never met an second doesn\'t seem like i\'m a priority in his life? i don\'t wanna sound needy but 5yrs an never seeing anything beyond pictures seems strange, do i just leave things as it is because obviously he\'s ok with it,, i\'ve spoken to him about it an made to believe everythings ok with him but its not with me, friendships require effort an nourishment,
hmmmm,, i can\'t sleep, its 4:08am in NYC i\'m lonely tonight,, i know theres no majix trick that instantly places you somewhere but if i could be anyplace right now i think i\'d like to be on some indian reservation breathing brisk fresh air feeling oneness with my Creator, i\'m also feeling lustful but it shall soon past,, i\'m closing my eyes and taking in the koolness of the morning air as it caresses my smooth chocolate skin,, a chill comes over me and it feels good, until that secret place manifest its just me and my comforter cuddling,,