My whole life I have grown up with strings attached to love! I am from a divorced home so I had two sets of rules to live by and at 6 and my sister 3 we quickly learned those rules and how to "work" the system. I have also known at a very young age that this is not how love is suppose to be and this is not how I should be treated. My dad recently diagnosed with manic depression and bi polar and although mama never has been diagnosed I believe in my heart she is also. Daddy drove a truck for as long as I can remember and was very violent toward mama and me when he was home. Throughout the years I learned to steel myself with stubborness/hard headedness, rebel like qualities. My mama hated me for ruining her life and daddy hated me because I wasn't a boy; and so goes the circle of life and my role of proving myself as worthy to everyone. Let me just say that I love my mom and dad! We have a relationship of some sort but I live a state away and I don't call them a whole lot but they will answer for what they've done as will I.
At 17, I graduated high school started college in the fall and met the man I am married to now. It was a complicated and quick relationship. I met him in January, got pregnant in March we married in June and had our first son in December. All I wanted was to love that little baby with every ounce of my heart, 18 months later we had our second son. I was a stay at home mom and loved it.
I have always taught my children to have a voice (respectfully) but express yourself and opinions. I was brought up that I had membership to the family but NO say so and then when I was grown and gone I lost my membership to the family and well my say so never mattered. So I wanted my boys to know their worth with me and that I valued them NO MATTER WHAT!!!
All through their school years they played sports, had tons of friends and were very popular all the things I long for.
My sons has always had boundaries, rules to live by and ALL THIS ESTRANGEMENT CRAP STARTED WHEN MY YOUNGEST SON MET HIS FIANCE!!! Sorry for the all caps but it really pisses me off.
In 2006, we moved school districts and that's when it started. My youngest met this girl and when he would go out we set a curfew for him. The first year was ok but then he started bucking the rules because of her. He (my son) even called a family meeting with her parents to dissuade us from the rules. They said she has never had a curfew because we trust her. Our rules were never about trust it was about learning to live with rules in life. If we said be home at 11pm then be home. Their was nothing but bad things awaiting, bad decisions if you stayed out past that time. When their was a special occasion or event we were more lenient on the issue. She bucked our rules at every turn and BTW did i mention she is an only child and very self centered and disrespectful!!!
So now its the present, and our oldest son and his wife are expecting any time and we find out third party that the babies lungs are underdeveloped. We are blocked on fb and are not even allowed at the hospital. I took this girl in last year when her and her family were having problems. I even bought them a trailer 15 miles from me and her parents to live. Not good enough!!! Everything I did to help has turned to crap!! I am the evil interfering b*tch!!!
Our youngest son lives at our house but we never see him. I am at a loss on how we had structure, we had happiness and now I'm the evil villain!!! I mean what did I do that was so wrong. Both my sons are very pleasant young men!!! They make my heart swell with pride and my youngest son blames me for not being in college. Well let's just back up for a moment and let me tell you why!!! He had the chance to play college ball and his fiance told him if he went away to college she would leave him, so ok we told him that we would pay for his college on conditions that 1 he could not drop any classes and 2 he had to make a B average or higher. That was very fair well after dropping a cool 2000.00 he took four classes with her in each class i might add and dropped two of the classes. Now I'm the b*tch because I refuse to pay for her bad and his decisions. He agreed to the rules!!!!
I FREAKING HATE MY LIFE AND AM SO LOOKING FOR WAYS TO CHANGE IT AND THE ONLY OPTION I HAVE IS TO MOVE AWAY FROM EVERYTHING "NORMAL" TO ME!!!! I HATE CHANGE!!! but for my sanity I have no choice!!
I can't just block it out of my mind because its shoved in my face on a daily basis!
I am just trying to breath!!!
At 17, I graduated high school started college in the fall and met the man I am married to now. It was a complicated and quick relationship. I met him in January, got pregnant in March we married in June and had our first son in December. All I wanted was to love that little baby with every ounce of my heart, 18 months later we had our second son. I was a stay at home mom and loved it.
I have always taught my children to have a voice (respectfully) but express yourself and opinions. I was brought up that I had membership to the family but NO say so and then when I was grown and gone I lost my membership to the family and well my say so never mattered. So I wanted my boys to know their worth with me and that I valued them NO MATTER WHAT!!!
All through their school years they played sports, had tons of friends and were very popular all the things I long for.
My sons has always had boundaries, rules to live by and ALL THIS ESTRANGEMENT CRAP STARTED WHEN MY YOUNGEST SON MET HIS FIANCE!!! Sorry for the all caps but it really pisses me off.
In 2006, we moved school districts and that's when it started. My youngest met this girl and when he would go out we set a curfew for him. The first year was ok but then he started bucking the rules because of her. He (my son) even called a family meeting with her parents to dissuade us from the rules. They said she has never had a curfew because we trust her. Our rules were never about trust it was about learning to live with rules in life. If we said be home at 11pm then be home. Their was nothing but bad things awaiting, bad decisions if you stayed out past that time. When their was a special occasion or event we were more lenient on the issue. She bucked our rules at every turn and BTW did i mention she is an only child and very self centered and disrespectful!!!
So now its the present, and our oldest son and his wife are expecting any time and we find out third party that the babies lungs are underdeveloped. We are blocked on fb and are not even allowed at the hospital. I took this girl in last year when her and her family were having problems. I even bought them a trailer 15 miles from me and her parents to live. Not good enough!!! Everything I did to help has turned to crap!! I am the evil interfering b*tch!!!
Our youngest son lives at our house but we never see him. I am at a loss on how we had structure, we had happiness and now I'm the evil villain!!! I mean what did I do that was so wrong. Both my sons are very pleasant young men!!! They make my heart swell with pride and my youngest son blames me for not being in college. Well let's just back up for a moment and let me tell you why!!! He had the chance to play college ball and his fiance told him if he went away to college she would leave him, so ok we told him that we would pay for his college on conditions that 1 he could not drop any classes and 2 he had to make a B average or higher. That was very fair well after dropping a cool 2000.00 he took four classes with her in each class i might add and dropped two of the classes. Now I'm the b*tch because I refuse to pay for her bad and his decisions. He agreed to the rules!!!!
I FREAKING HATE MY LIFE AND AM SO LOOKING FOR WAYS TO CHANGE IT AND THE ONLY OPTION I HAVE IS TO MOVE AWAY FROM EVERYTHING "NORMAL" TO ME!!!! I HATE CHANGE!!! but for my sanity I have no choice!!
I can't just block it out of my mind because its shoved in my face on a daily basis!
I am just trying to breath!!!
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