I'm T, and I love my children more than they will ever know. Somehow I have been promoted from being their mom to Most Hated whatever they call me. I am devastated. My oldest son Tony met a young lady last year, I took her in when she and her family were having problems,gave her love, support and on top of all that tried to help her mend things with her family. Anyway they are expecting their first child in days and I am not allowed in their lives. My youngest son is engaged to a young lady he has been dating for the last five years and I couldn't be happier for them. By the way did I mention, I'm not allowed in their lives either.
I am at the point where I am without words or understanding. I am told that I try to control my sons lives (not true) and that I am just interfering with their lives (also not true). I am really damned if I do and damned if I don't. So I have decided to honor their request and just let it go.
With this decision I have experienced the worst pain a heart could feel, and my anxiety level is through the roof. I am letting go and letting God, but it doesn't lessen the pain. It doesn't make me feel any better knowing that I raised my sons to be the men they are today. All the good qualities these young woman find so appealing I instilled in them from early on yet I am the monster. I am trying really hard to find the positive in this whole situation but I guess I'm letting my emotions cloud my vision.
I always envisioned me as an old lady with grand babies in and around my lap, never once did I ever hold my children as emotion blackmail or leverage to control someone else. This would have never been acceptable in my day but in todays world it ok!!
I am heartbroken over this. My sons hate me and all I have ever known is them. All I have ever needed is them. I grew up in an abusive home, with little emotional love and alot of physical love(belts,suitcases whatever was available). I gave them everything I never had growing up, I thought that I broke the cycle, but I guess it mutated into something else...
Why does it have to be this way? I have been told I need to just breath and try to talk to them, but its really hard to talk to someone who has already made up their minds on how its going to be!!!
So sad, so lost and so broken.
I am at the point where I am without words or understanding. I am told that I try to control my sons lives (not true) and that I am just interfering with their lives (also not true). I am really damned if I do and damned if I don't. So I have decided to honor their request and just let it go.
With this decision I have experienced the worst pain a heart could feel, and my anxiety level is through the roof. I am letting go and letting God, but it doesn't lessen the pain. It doesn't make me feel any better knowing that I raised my sons to be the men they are today. All the good qualities these young woman find so appealing I instilled in them from early on yet I am the monster. I am trying really hard to find the positive in this whole situation but I guess I'm letting my emotions cloud my vision.
I always envisioned me as an old lady with grand babies in and around my lap, never once did I ever hold my children as emotion blackmail or leverage to control someone else. This would have never been acceptable in my day but in todays world it ok!!
I am heartbroken over this. My sons hate me and all I have ever known is them. All I have ever needed is them. I grew up in an abusive home, with little emotional love and alot of physical love(belts,suitcases whatever was available). I gave them everything I never had growing up, I thought that I broke the cycle, but I guess it mutated into something else...
Why does it have to be this way? I have been told I need to just breath and try to talk to them, but its really hard to talk to someone who has already made up their minds on how its going to be!!!
So sad, so lost and so broken.
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