Dear Jo,It's 12:19pm and the pain is "kicking my ass." That's a phrase I've been using since day 1, which was now 7 years ago when I first went on Disability. I can't believe it's been so long and it still continues to "kick my ass."  I've lost family and friends. No one wants to bother w/someone in pain, especially when they're healthy and living normal lives. My life consists of illness and pain. I've always had this disease as I was born w/it and I've always had pain, BUT, only intermittently through the years. When I turned 30, that's when the consistant tumors' growth and pain crash started up again and continued on strong. 90% of me wants to give up and just be w/God. I want to escape  my pain, but I can't. I have death dreams and they're not bad @ all. In fact, they're peaceful and I like it. I'm gonna go lay down now, I'm in too much pain to continue on.