Dear Jo(Journal),

It's 3:43am and I'm wide awake. I'm in alot of pain and can't sleep. Besides, Greely(my dog) just took up my bed and left no room for me as she is all stretched out on her back w/her feet curled up..she's so cute. She is a light in my life. Though, I do need more light! I feel so alone, I've got relatives as we all do, but what I don't have is Family. I live w/my dad, but he doesn't understand my pain. He's in complete denial about my disease. He loses patience w/me when I've been in bed for 3 or more days. He's very healthy and active and that's great for him..God Bless his health, but he has no sensitivity or understanding to those who are suffering. His attitude is "Get a job and forgetta bout it"!! He needs to understand that I cannot function, that my pain is so severe that I can't move @ all sometimes. My disease has taken away a normal life for myself. My brother was the one that suggested a cancer support group and I'm happy that we spoke. My brothers live out of state and have families of their own. My parents are divorced and I live w/my dad, which I mentioned earlier..ooops!  Anyway...I'm hoping to also find a support group in my area so that I can meet people and make some new friends. My friends seem to have disappeared. They're all healthy, married and w/children..and I'm happy for all of them. AlThough one of them has MS and she does the best she can. She has a great outlook on life..I on the other hand, don't. There are too many days that I'm in pain, crying and praying for God to just take me now. I've just been so tired, just really drained.