I've gotten two invitations this week.
One came in the mail, an invitation to my brother-in-law's girlfriend's bridal shower. That sent me into an emotional tailspin. My first reaction was to not want to go. I don't even know this girl. I've met her three or four times, but we've never talked, and I know almost nothing about her and my brother-in-law to begin with. Then, it's unlikely to be a small bridal shower. She has lots of friends and a large family - none of whom I have met. So, lots of strangers, plus party, plus noise, equals a miserable time for me. I know none of them, and there's going to be a whole crowd of them. I can't even go and stick to my husband like glue, because he wasn't invited. It's a bridal shower, so no men. I would literally be on my own, in a strange place, full of complete strangers, in the middle of a noisy party.
As if that wasn't enough, they didn't spell my name right on the invitation. I know it's a difficult name, but if you know enough about me to figure out my address (even if you had to mail it twice) then surely you have the ability to find out how my name is spelled.
But that's not even the thing that bothered me the most. They don't know me. The lady who mailed the invitation and is throwing the party doesn't know me. None of them do. So they must have asked me only because I'm married to my husband. They don't really want me, they just asked to be polite because I'm going to be this girl's sister-in-law. Which, in theory, is fine and shouldn't bother me. But in practice, I find it offensive. I'm only being included because of who I married. It's an obligation on their part. I would rather have not gotten one at all, because I know they don't actually want me to come. And, of all the times to try and include me, it's at a time when we're expected to give gifts.
The second invitation came from my father-in-law over text. To my husband, of course. Offering to buy tickets for the two of us to go see a hockey game.
I am not a sports person. At all. My husband loves hockey, but it bores me to death. I asked him what it would be like to go. He said loud, three hours long, and cold. Since I've lost 35 pounds in the last year and a half, I'm very sensitive to the cold. I get cold in forty degree weather while wearing a jacket. And, by the way, there's a long drive before and after, and that game is all we'd be doing.
So, basically, my father-in-law invited me to sit, bored out of my mind for three hours, freezing while I'm in the middle of a huge pack of people yelling and screaming, while also enduring a long drive there and back. My future sister-in-law's mother invited me to go to a strange place, full of noise and probably games, and at which I would have no friends or even acquaintances.
So, naturally, I'm feeling awful. I just don't fit in with these people. They never invite me to do something quiet, or to go see a movie. It's always noisy, always public, always full of people I don't know. I feel like I don't have a family here. Families do stuff together, right? Well, I can't do stuff with them, because the stuff they do makes me miserable. They're going to stop inviting me eventually, because I always say no. And I'm going to keep saying no because their idea of fun is my idea of torture.
I crave connections in this place. This is supposed to be my new family. But I don't even have any friends. I feel like my mother-in-law doesn't like me, and I know none of them understand me. They haven't even made an effort to. None of them have asked me what I do in the bedroom all day, even when they lived with us.And since no one has shown any interest, of course I don't just spout stuff off. If they want to know anything, they'll ask, and I don't want to force myself on them like that.
So I'm not going to the bridal shower, and my husband will be going to the hockey game with his brother instead. Because he loves hockey, and he'd be seeing his favorite team play, so I can't ask him to stay home with me, can I? It wouldn't be fair. So I'll be alone. Again.
I want to go home. I want to see my friends again, and be with a family that understands me. When I'm invited to something, I want to be invited because the people know me, because they want me, and not because they have an obligation to my husband. I'm just his wife. They don't seem to see me as an individual. I'm just attached to his name, someone that he brought into their lives and now they have to be polite to.
My mother-in-law took her daughter, her youngest son, and his girlfriend to a pumpkin patch in October. That I would have enjoyed going to. It would have been fun. Simple, undemanding, not so crowded. But of course we weren't invited to go to that. Is it very selfish and unreasonable to feel like they only invite me to go to things they know I'll say no to?
I'm feeling very...unhappy and lonely today.
One came in the mail, an invitation to my brother-in-law's girlfriend's bridal shower. That sent me into an emotional tailspin. My first reaction was to not want to go. I don't even know this girl. I've met her three or four times, but we've never talked, and I know almost nothing about her and my brother-in-law to begin with. Then, it's unlikely to be a small bridal shower. She has lots of friends and a large family - none of whom I have met. So, lots of strangers, plus party, plus noise, equals a miserable time for me. I know none of them, and there's going to be a whole crowd of them. I can't even go and stick to my husband like glue, because he wasn't invited. It's a bridal shower, so no men. I would literally be on my own, in a strange place, full of complete strangers, in the middle of a noisy party.
As if that wasn't enough, they didn't spell my name right on the invitation. I know it's a difficult name, but if you know enough about me to figure out my address (even if you had to mail it twice) then surely you have the ability to find out how my name is spelled.
But that's not even the thing that bothered me the most. They don't know me. The lady who mailed the invitation and is throwing the party doesn't know me. None of them do. So they must have asked me only because I'm married to my husband. They don't really want me, they just asked to be polite because I'm going to be this girl's sister-in-law. Which, in theory, is fine and shouldn't bother me. But in practice, I find it offensive. I'm only being included because of who I married. It's an obligation on their part. I would rather have not gotten one at all, because I know they don't actually want me to come. And, of all the times to try and include me, it's at a time when we're expected to give gifts.
The second invitation came from my father-in-law over text. To my husband, of course. Offering to buy tickets for the two of us to go see a hockey game.
I am not a sports person. At all. My husband loves hockey, but it bores me to death. I asked him what it would be like to go. He said loud, three hours long, and cold. Since I've lost 35 pounds in the last year and a half, I'm very sensitive to the cold. I get cold in forty degree weather while wearing a jacket. And, by the way, there's a long drive before and after, and that game is all we'd be doing.
So, basically, my father-in-law invited me to sit, bored out of my mind for three hours, freezing while I'm in the middle of a huge pack of people yelling and screaming, while also enduring a long drive there and back. My future sister-in-law's mother invited me to go to a strange place, full of noise and probably games, and at which I would have no friends or even acquaintances.
So, naturally, I'm feeling awful. I just don't fit in with these people. They never invite me to do something quiet, or to go see a movie. It's always noisy, always public, always full of people I don't know. I feel like I don't have a family here. Families do stuff together, right? Well, I can't do stuff with them, because the stuff they do makes me miserable. They're going to stop inviting me eventually, because I always say no. And I'm going to keep saying no because their idea of fun is my idea of torture.
I crave connections in this place. This is supposed to be my new family. But I don't even have any friends. I feel like my mother-in-law doesn't like me, and I know none of them understand me. They haven't even made an effort to. None of them have asked me what I do in the bedroom all day, even when they lived with us.And since no one has shown any interest, of course I don't just spout stuff off. If they want to know anything, they'll ask, and I don't want to force myself on them like that.
So I'm not going to the bridal shower, and my husband will be going to the hockey game with his brother instead. Because he loves hockey, and he'd be seeing his favorite team play, so I can't ask him to stay home with me, can I? It wouldn't be fair. So I'll be alone. Again.
I want to go home. I want to see my friends again, and be with a family that understands me. When I'm invited to something, I want to be invited because the people know me, because they want me, and not because they have an obligation to my husband. I'm just his wife. They don't seem to see me as an individual. I'm just attached to his name, someone that he brought into their lives and now they have to be polite to.
My mother-in-law took her daughter, her youngest son, and his girlfriend to a pumpkin patch in October. That I would have enjoyed going to. It would have been fun. Simple, undemanding, not so crowded. But of course we weren't invited to go to that. Is it very selfish and unreasonable to feel like they only invite me to go to things they know I'll say no to?
I'm feeling very...unhappy and lonely today.
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