The cat just deleted everything I was working on. Lame. And then he turned on the fullscreen for my browser, which I didn't even know existed, let alone how to turn off. After a crash course in Firefox, I'm going to try again. xD
The last few weeks have been pretty much amazing. I've finally adjusted to my new surroundings, helped along by my loving, patient, supportive husband who loves my cooking and compliments me on the changes that have happened in the house since I got here. As a housewife, I no longer have a workplace with demands and a high-stress environment or high levels of stimulation. Now that I'm more at home here, I can feel a major difference. I'm more at peace, calmer, better able to take things that are unexpected. It's quiet here, and I'm not bothered much. What chores there are, I can do whenever I want. I can set my own schedule. I have a nice little routine that gets all the chores done quickly, and I'm free to experiment with my cooking. It's a lot of fun, and I love it. Being a housewife and, at some point, a stay at home mom, will suit me very well, I think.
I'm cautiously happy, now. I say cautiously because, well...a week ago, I noticed a strange twitching in my belly. Not strange like painful, just...out of the ordinary. The muscles there don't normally twitch like that. And that brought pregnancy to the forefront of my mind again. I'm not sure I said before, but the last supposed period I had was linked to exercise, and that's made me wonder if it was actually a period at all. Because before that, before the wedding, every time I bled, it was because of exercise.
Since I noticed the twitching, I've had some out of place stomach cramping, lower back ache, some incidents with restless leg syndrome at night, and eating certain things makes me feel ill. Chocolate, of all things, and mayonnaise. I've also had some joint pain, in my ankles, knees, and the hip area. One morning I also had a bout of bad nausea, but that went away as soon as I went back to bed. When I got up again, I was fine.
That bout of nausea cured me instantly of my near-subconscious desire to be pregnant. From that point on, I realized that if I was pregnant, then symptoms would appear on their own. Stressing about them was just making it harder to tell if it was all in my head or not. Since then, I've dismissed the headaches as either my new purse or allergies, the nausea as either in my head or, in the case of the rather bad one, the result of birth control pills (I'd had to take two the night before). The cramps, I still haven't decided on. but the backache, which i at first dismissed as poor posture when sitting at the computer, turned out differently. I was out walking yesterday, for hours, and it started aching. The ache continued into this morning, and throughout parts of the day. Obviously not from poor posture. If it was, then I should have had back aches all the time from walking, and this is the first I've dealt with it.
I didn't know that RLS was something associated with pregnancy until I looked up causes of it, so that one isn't all in my head, either. Neither is the joint pain, which I didn't associate with the possibility of pregnancy until the same time I was looking up RLS.
The bad balance I knew was associated with pregnancy. But I wasn't thinking about that at all yesterday, when I almost did a faceplant in the Toys R Us parking lot because I stepped on a rock. A rock. Nor was I thinking about it those times when I was walking down the aisles and had to catch my balance on the shelving.
When I ate some of my home made chocolate mousse today, it smelled amazing. But I couldn't finish it. It turned my stomach toward the end. Just like the mayonnaise on the sandwich I ate for dinner yesterday.
I've also been...rather more hungry than normal. It's not a rule, of course, but sometimes, after I eat, I'll be hungry again not long after. I'm getting hungry more often than my husband, and eating almost the same amount he does at meals. I'm still watching my calorie counts, and keeping it under control to prevent weight gain. This, I could dismiss as just suddenly not being a restricted calorie diet anymore. I hit my goal weight shortly after arriving. But I'm not certain.
The point is, if my last "period" was, indeed, a period, then I should have started another one today, and I haven't. I could still start in the next few days; I've forgotten my pills a few times, and in the past that's delayed a period. I think. If it was, indeed, a period. But I've been pretty concerned over all of this. After that one nauseous morning, the idea of dealing with that for weeks was extremely unpleasant. If I do happen to be pregnant, I'll love and care for the baby like he/she was planned, and my husband will, too. But the timing isn't very good, and I don't feel prepared. Pregnancy is hard, and labor is hard and painful. Being a mother is a long, difficult, involved journey. I'm afraid.
But the good news is that I've got an appointment with the doctor on the fourth. Soon. They should be able to help me. If I'm not pregnant, then there's something else wrong. Until we know what it is, though, I'm going to enjoy this new life as much as I can. Who knows? By this time next week, we may be preparing for a baby.
The last few weeks have been pretty much amazing. I've finally adjusted to my new surroundings, helped along by my loving, patient, supportive husband who loves my cooking and compliments me on the changes that have happened in the house since I got here. As a housewife, I no longer have a workplace with demands and a high-stress environment or high levels of stimulation. Now that I'm more at home here, I can feel a major difference. I'm more at peace, calmer, better able to take things that are unexpected. It's quiet here, and I'm not bothered much. What chores there are, I can do whenever I want. I can set my own schedule. I have a nice little routine that gets all the chores done quickly, and I'm free to experiment with my cooking. It's a lot of fun, and I love it. Being a housewife and, at some point, a stay at home mom, will suit me very well, I think.
I'm cautiously happy, now. I say cautiously because, well...a week ago, I noticed a strange twitching in my belly. Not strange like painful, just...out of the ordinary. The muscles there don't normally twitch like that. And that brought pregnancy to the forefront of my mind again. I'm not sure I said before, but the last supposed period I had was linked to exercise, and that's made me wonder if it was actually a period at all. Because before that, before the wedding, every time I bled, it was because of exercise.
Since I noticed the twitching, I've had some out of place stomach cramping, lower back ache, some incidents with restless leg syndrome at night, and eating certain things makes me feel ill. Chocolate, of all things, and mayonnaise. I've also had some joint pain, in my ankles, knees, and the hip area. One morning I also had a bout of bad nausea, but that went away as soon as I went back to bed. When I got up again, I was fine.
That bout of nausea cured me instantly of my near-subconscious desire to be pregnant. From that point on, I realized that if I was pregnant, then symptoms would appear on their own. Stressing about them was just making it harder to tell if it was all in my head or not. Since then, I've dismissed the headaches as either my new purse or allergies, the nausea as either in my head or, in the case of the rather bad one, the result of birth control pills (I'd had to take two the night before). The cramps, I still haven't decided on. but the backache, which i at first dismissed as poor posture when sitting at the computer, turned out differently. I was out walking yesterday, for hours, and it started aching. The ache continued into this morning, and throughout parts of the day. Obviously not from poor posture. If it was, then I should have had back aches all the time from walking, and this is the first I've dealt with it.
I didn't know that RLS was something associated with pregnancy until I looked up causes of it, so that one isn't all in my head, either. Neither is the joint pain, which I didn't associate with the possibility of pregnancy until the same time I was looking up RLS.
The bad balance I knew was associated with pregnancy. But I wasn't thinking about that at all yesterday, when I almost did a faceplant in the Toys R Us parking lot because I stepped on a rock. A rock. Nor was I thinking about it those times when I was walking down the aisles and had to catch my balance on the shelving.
When I ate some of my home made chocolate mousse today, it smelled amazing. But I couldn't finish it. It turned my stomach toward the end. Just like the mayonnaise on the sandwich I ate for dinner yesterday.
I've also been...rather more hungry than normal. It's not a rule, of course, but sometimes, after I eat, I'll be hungry again not long after. I'm getting hungry more often than my husband, and eating almost the same amount he does at meals. I'm still watching my calorie counts, and keeping it under control to prevent weight gain. This, I could dismiss as just suddenly not being a restricted calorie diet anymore. I hit my goal weight shortly after arriving. But I'm not certain.
The point is, if my last "period" was, indeed, a period, then I should have started another one today, and I haven't. I could still start in the next few days; I've forgotten my pills a few times, and in the past that's delayed a period. I think. If it was, indeed, a period. But I've been pretty concerned over all of this. After that one nauseous morning, the idea of dealing with that for weeks was extremely unpleasant. If I do happen to be pregnant, I'll love and care for the baby like he/she was planned, and my husband will, too. But the timing isn't very good, and I don't feel prepared. Pregnancy is hard, and labor is hard and painful. Being a mother is a long, difficult, involved journey. I'm afraid.
But the good news is that I've got an appointment with the doctor on the fourth. Soon. They should be able to help me. If I'm not pregnant, then there's something else wrong. Until we know what it is, though, I'm going to enjoy this new life as much as I can. Who knows? By this time next week, we may be preparing for a baby.
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