Yesterday I had several bouts of nausea. One, right after eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for breakfast. I've never felt ill after one before, so it was pretty unpleasant. I felt really out of it all day yesterday.
Yesterday, I was convinced I was pregnant, despite the negative test. Today, I'm not so sure. I've been so frightened of certain physical symptoms before that I pretty much made myself develop them. I'm afraid I might be doing that to myself this time. I could be so certain, and so expectant of the symptoms of pregnancy that it could just be a self-fulfilling prophecy. I've felt better today, for instance. I didn't feel ill after eating banana bread and drinking milk, and I think that could easily be because I had other stuff to do, and was too distracted to think about it.
Or I could really be pregnant, and just randomly feel a little better today.
I just don't know, and the uncertainty is killing me. I still have to wait two more days before I take another test. Possibly three or four. I might start a period between now and then. Even though I have a feeling I won't.
I'm so conflicted right now.
I want a baby, but I'm afraid to have one. If I am pregnant, my husband says that his mother will probably have to stay with us even longer, to help us save the money we'll need. And I don't know how long I can take that.
I had a super emotional moment out of the blue yesterday, too. I was talking to my best friend, who's on the other side of the country, and I missed her intensely so much that I almost started crying. Just at a random moment, and it was gone.
I don't know what's going on, and it's driving me crazy.
But one thing I do know. Baby or not, I'm eating healthier. If I'm pregnant, the baby will need me to be careful about what I eat. I don't have to stop drinking or drugs, because I haven't ever done either. But I can take the multivitamins my husband and I got yesterday, and make sure I eat healthy foods. If my diet has been making me feel ill, that should help. If it's a pregnancy, it should help. Either way, I win.
Yesterday, I was convinced I was pregnant, despite the negative test. Today, I'm not so sure. I've been so frightened of certain physical symptoms before that I pretty much made myself develop them. I'm afraid I might be doing that to myself this time. I could be so certain, and so expectant of the symptoms of pregnancy that it could just be a self-fulfilling prophecy. I've felt better today, for instance. I didn't feel ill after eating banana bread and drinking milk, and I think that could easily be because I had other stuff to do, and was too distracted to think about it.
Or I could really be pregnant, and just randomly feel a little better today.
I just don't know, and the uncertainty is killing me. I still have to wait two more days before I take another test. Possibly three or four. I might start a period between now and then. Even though I have a feeling I won't.
I'm so conflicted right now.
I want a baby, but I'm afraid to have one. If I am pregnant, my husband says that his mother will probably have to stay with us even longer, to help us save the money we'll need. And I don't know how long I can take that.
I had a super emotional moment out of the blue yesterday, too. I was talking to my best friend, who's on the other side of the country, and I missed her intensely so much that I almost started crying. Just at a random moment, and it was gone.
I don't know what's going on, and it's driving me crazy.
But one thing I do know. Baby or not, I'm eating healthier. If I'm pregnant, the baby will need me to be careful about what I eat. I don't have to stop drinking or drugs, because I haven't ever done either. But I can take the multivitamins my husband and I got yesterday, and make sure I eat healthy foods. If my diet has been making me feel ill, that should help. If it's a pregnancy, it should help. Either way, I win.
Replies