I discovered an article on the same website that had the HSP test I took. It was about emotional regulation.
I struggle with regulating my emotions. A lot. I get frustrated about things that other people take as a matter of course, and feel guilty for things I know I shouldn't.
In the article, it listed five things that HSPs don't normally do to regulate their emotions that other people do. The top two of the list really resonated with me. The first was accepting that your emotions are okay. That you can, are allowed, to feel these things. The second was to not feel guilt over your feelings. Not only do I immediately label excessive emotion as wrong, I feel guilty about feeling it anyway.
A good example would be with jealousy. For a very long time, I struggled with it. I would know, logically, that I had no real reason to feel jealous. To me, inside my head, those feelings were illogical, made no sense, and were therefore illegitimate. It felt wrong to feel so deeply something that, in my estimation, shouldn't even exist. And then, while I was suffering with extreme jealousy, I would also find myself incapable of normal interactions with people. My jealousy and inability to handle it would affect others. Thus the guilt. And more determination to get rid of those feelings.
It was a terrible cycle, and I stumbled on the answer entirely by accident. After doing battle with my jealousy for so long, a novel thought occurred me. I was tired. I was exhausted. As a Christian, I remembered several Bible verses in which God is called a jealous God.
If jealousy is inherently a bad thing, then why would God be described as having that quality?
So I redefined how I thought of jealousy. Assuming it wasn't a bad thing, why, then, could it be a good thing? Because envy is wanting something that belongs to others, then jealousy must be - what? Wanting something that you see as yours. Which isn't a bad thing. If it's already yours by right, but someone else has it, then jealousy is a way to protect what is yours. The issue is not with the emotion at all, but the way you define what belongs to you.
Looking at my emotions in this way helped me accept the validity of my own jealousy. To my surprise, I haven't had a problem with it since.
So yes. I have problems accepting that the things I feel are okay. That the things I feel are all right for me to feel. I need to examine my emotions, and prove to myself that I not only can, but should, allow myself to freely feel these things. Because it's okay. It's not wrong to feel things. Acting on those feelings can be wrong, but feeling them is not.
And yes, I often feel guilty about how my emotions work. When I was dealing with jealousy, it affected some of my closest relationships. When I get overstimulated, my ability to hold those feelings in diminishes, and I get angry, cranky, annoyed. And when I get that way, I snap at people, which makes me feel guilty, because I know that if I'm being snapped at it can hurt my feelings. I hate making other people feel that. So I feel guilty at once.
The only solution I can think of for that is to manage things that stimulate me too much, so that I don't get snappish to begin with. That doesn't seem realistic to me; I'm sure to get overstimulated and be short with people. But I'll keep thinking on it and see if I can't come up with something better. Maybe to help me alleviate the guilt afterward.
I struggle with regulating my emotions. A lot. I get frustrated about things that other people take as a matter of course, and feel guilty for things I know I shouldn't.
In the article, it listed five things that HSPs don't normally do to regulate their emotions that other people do. The top two of the list really resonated with me. The first was accepting that your emotions are okay. That you can, are allowed, to feel these things. The second was to not feel guilt over your feelings. Not only do I immediately label excessive emotion as wrong, I feel guilty about feeling it anyway.
A good example would be with jealousy. For a very long time, I struggled with it. I would know, logically, that I had no real reason to feel jealous. To me, inside my head, those feelings were illogical, made no sense, and were therefore illegitimate. It felt wrong to feel so deeply something that, in my estimation, shouldn't even exist. And then, while I was suffering with extreme jealousy, I would also find myself incapable of normal interactions with people. My jealousy and inability to handle it would affect others. Thus the guilt. And more determination to get rid of those feelings.
It was a terrible cycle, and I stumbled on the answer entirely by accident. After doing battle with my jealousy for so long, a novel thought occurred me. I was tired. I was exhausted. As a Christian, I remembered several Bible verses in which God is called a jealous God.
If jealousy is inherently a bad thing, then why would God be described as having that quality?
So I redefined how I thought of jealousy. Assuming it wasn't a bad thing, why, then, could it be a good thing? Because envy is wanting something that belongs to others, then jealousy must be - what? Wanting something that you see as yours. Which isn't a bad thing. If it's already yours by right, but someone else has it, then jealousy is a way to protect what is yours. The issue is not with the emotion at all, but the way you define what belongs to you.
Looking at my emotions in this way helped me accept the validity of my own jealousy. To my surprise, I haven't had a problem with it since.
So yes. I have problems accepting that the things I feel are okay. That the things I feel are all right for me to feel. I need to examine my emotions, and prove to myself that I not only can, but should, allow myself to freely feel these things. Because it's okay. It's not wrong to feel things. Acting on those feelings can be wrong, but feeling them is not.
And yes, I often feel guilty about how my emotions work. When I was dealing with jealousy, it affected some of my closest relationships. When I get overstimulated, my ability to hold those feelings in diminishes, and I get angry, cranky, annoyed. And when I get that way, I snap at people, which makes me feel guilty, because I know that if I'm being snapped at it can hurt my feelings. I hate making other people feel that. So I feel guilty at once.
The only solution I can think of for that is to manage things that stimulate me too much, so that I don't get snappish to begin with. That doesn't seem realistic to me; I'm sure to get overstimulated and be short with people. But I'll keep thinking on it and see if I can't come up with something better. Maybe to help me alleviate the guilt afterward.
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