confused

so Im supposed to be leaving on monday, my feelings about that are yeah right, like im ever going to do it. Blah! This week ive been flip flopping alot in how i actually feel, one minute i think he's not so bad, the next i think what an asshole. If i was out of work for 5 months working on an invention, he would at the very least expect our house to be spic and span. He does nothing, says hes working all day yeah right, thats why when i call him all the time hes sleeping or outside doing something. He can't even take out the garbage anymore like he was doing when he was first home or throw in a load of laundry a day. No would just rather complain that the house is a mess and that he doesn't have any shirts to wear in his closet. Well then i start thinking well i haven't done much around the house lately, so maybe hes right to complain but am i wrong to think he should be at least contributing to the household by cleaning if hes not contributing financially. Which money isn't a big thing we just filed for bankruptcy so i make enough money to pay what bills i do have left but its just annoying that he doesn't even consider seriously getting a part time job, just kind of talks about it but doesn't really act on it or expects me to fill out the applications on line for him, wtf, hes' 32 years old, he should be able to do this himself! I am not his mother!
Also i come home yesterday and my son is upset with him because hes watching a R movie and my son walked in the room, seriously, hes home all day and stays up all night, he has all the time in the world when my son is not around to watch those movies but he expects him to stay out of the living room when my son has just gone done with school, um your suppose to be maybe paying attention to him since you have done nothing else all day except for sit on your ass!
Oh my God, why am i even flip flopping, i hate him, he does nothing to help me or my son, i dont need him around, i do everything myself anyway, so why the fuck do i feel like im abandoning him and feel so guilty for not wanting to be with him, this is all torture and if i do not leave i feel i will have a nervous breakdown or heart attack  from the stress of just every day life with him, I feel not right in the head, like this should just be simple, i know what needs to be done, why am i so frozen in time and don't feel i can make a move without his approval. When have i ever needed approval from anyone, i'm capable of so much but not when it comes to him, WTF