It has been a pretty productive week. I managed to get a lot of laundry and cleaning done. I completed annual reviews for all of my employees. I haven't cried for many days. I am sure my tears aren't gone forever, they are just becoming much less frequent.
I am finding peace about my split from the person I thought I would live happily ever after with. I am grieving the loss of my in-laws. They spent years telling me they loved me and always would. When I would refer to them as my spouse's family they would correct me and tell me they were my family. If I would call my mother-in-law by her name, she would tell me to call her Mom. Thousands of times they told me they would be here for me forever. I have helped them out in so many ways. There isn't one of them that I have not bailed out of a crisis, financially and otherwise. I have taken them on trips to Florida and paid for everything. I loaned one brother-in-law $3000 which he never repaid and I loaned the parents $13,000 which they never repaid. I loaned another brother-in-law $1,000 top stop his truck from being reposssed when he was unemployed. I have comforted them through numerous breakups and divorces. When they needed a place to stay, I took them into my home and never charged them one cent. The moment they found out that our marriage was ending, they vanished out of my life. In the blink of an eye, family I frequently talked to and texted stopped initiating any communication with me. My mother-in-law all out ignored the two texts I have sent her in the last month. In the first text I didn't say anything negative about her son and I wouldn't dream of involving her in drama. I simply told her that I had enjoyed being her daughter-in-law and that she had been a very good mother-in-law to me. About a month later, she texts me and says she loves and misses me. I responded and told her i missed her too. I asked her how her holidays were, how work was going, yada yada yado. I dind't get a response. I know she is my husband's family and that she supports her son, and that is exactly how it should be. I am happy for my STBX that he has his family to lean on through tough times. That being said, it really hurt when his mom didn't even acknowledge me. I would think that 13 years would at least get me a friendly good-bye.
I was particularly close to one of my brother-in-laws and his wife for many years. We shared good times and created many fond memories that I will treasure forever. We even contemplated moving so we could be closer and spend more time together. The first person I called when I found out about the affair was my sister-in-law. Years before we told each other that in the event of a divorce by either of us, we will still be close. In many ways she was my best friend. I told her I had found messages between my STBX and the other woman. She wanted to see them, so I texted them to her. She is a nice person and she told me she wanted to support me through this. Over the next 50 days, we texted back and forth and I sent her a total of 38 texts. I guess that averages .75 texts a day from me, although days would go by where we didn't text at all. She told me to let her know what i needed from her anytime. She told me she would always love me and be my friend. She asked what she could do for me. As time went on, I noticed that our exchanges started to be initiated more and more by me and less by her. I stopped reaching out to her and our relationship seems to have faded into the sunset. I understand. Families don't have exes running around with former in-laws. It had to happen sonner or later. Soooo, you can imagine my shock when I read a text message between her husband to my STBX regarding me. My STBX said I was losing my mind. My brother-in-law agreed and said I seem to be going pshycho. Then he said I had been texting his wife non-stop. More betrayal...it hurts so bad! I wasn't texting her non-stop and if it seemed like it was, I wish she could have told me instead of having to stumble upon it. For starters, I had not been acting crazy. For some reason, my STBX lies to his family about us. additionally, I wasn't losing my mind. He was distressed that I was behaving rationally and standing firm in my decision to end our marriage. He translated my lack of craziness into meaning I didn't love him. He was begging me to take him back. I don't know why he says the crazy things he does to his family. A few weeks ago we were riding together in his truck to get a bite to eat...not as married people but just as friends. Another one of his brothers called and I could tell he was surprised to learn that we were doing something together. I could hear his brother ask him if we were still together and my STBX said yes and that all was well. He didn't realize that I could overhear what his brother was asking. What a crock of shit. Why does he do that?
BTW, I realize I am acting like a victim. I am not. I am a victor.
I am finding peace about my split from the person I thought I would live happily ever after with. I am grieving the loss of my in-laws. They spent years telling me they loved me and always would. When I would refer to them as my spouse's family they would correct me and tell me they were my family. If I would call my mother-in-law by her name, she would tell me to call her Mom. Thousands of times they told me they would be here for me forever. I have helped them out in so many ways. There isn't one of them that I have not bailed out of a crisis, financially and otherwise. I have taken them on trips to Florida and paid for everything. I loaned one brother-in-law $3000 which he never repaid and I loaned the parents $13,000 which they never repaid. I loaned another brother-in-law $1,000 top stop his truck from being reposssed when he was unemployed. I have comforted them through numerous breakups and divorces. When they needed a place to stay, I took them into my home and never charged them one cent. The moment they found out that our marriage was ending, they vanished out of my life. In the blink of an eye, family I frequently talked to and texted stopped initiating any communication with me. My mother-in-law all out ignored the two texts I have sent her in the last month. In the first text I didn't say anything negative about her son and I wouldn't dream of involving her in drama. I simply told her that I had enjoyed being her daughter-in-law and that she had been a very good mother-in-law to me. About a month later, she texts me and says she loves and misses me. I responded and told her i missed her too. I asked her how her holidays were, how work was going, yada yada yado. I dind't get a response. I know she is my husband's family and that she supports her son, and that is exactly how it should be. I am happy for my STBX that he has his family to lean on through tough times. That being said, it really hurt when his mom didn't even acknowledge me. I would think that 13 years would at least get me a friendly good-bye.
I was particularly close to one of my brother-in-laws and his wife for many years. We shared good times and created many fond memories that I will treasure forever. We even contemplated moving so we could be closer and spend more time together. The first person I called when I found out about the affair was my sister-in-law. Years before we told each other that in the event of a divorce by either of us, we will still be close. In many ways she was my best friend. I told her I had found messages between my STBX and the other woman. She wanted to see them, so I texted them to her. She is a nice person and she told me she wanted to support me through this. Over the next 50 days, we texted back and forth and I sent her a total of 38 texts. I guess that averages .75 texts a day from me, although days would go by where we didn't text at all. She told me to let her know what i needed from her anytime. She told me she would always love me and be my friend. She asked what she could do for me. As time went on, I noticed that our exchanges started to be initiated more and more by me and less by her. I stopped reaching out to her and our relationship seems to have faded into the sunset. I understand. Families don't have exes running around with former in-laws. It had to happen sonner or later. Soooo, you can imagine my shock when I read a text message between her husband to my STBX regarding me. My STBX said I was losing my mind. My brother-in-law agreed and said I seem to be going pshycho. Then he said I had been texting his wife non-stop. More betrayal...it hurts so bad! I wasn't texting her non-stop and if it seemed like it was, I wish she could have told me instead of having to stumble upon it. For starters, I had not been acting crazy. For some reason, my STBX lies to his family about us. additionally, I wasn't losing my mind. He was distressed that I was behaving rationally and standing firm in my decision to end our marriage. He translated my lack of craziness into meaning I didn't love him. He was begging me to take him back. I don't know why he says the crazy things he does to his family. A few weeks ago we were riding together in his truck to get a bite to eat...not as married people but just as friends. Another one of his brothers called and I could tell he was surprised to learn that we were doing something together. I could hear his brother ask him if we were still together and my STBX said yes and that all was well. He didn't realize that I could overhear what his brother was asking. What a crock of shit. Why does he do that?
BTW, I realize I am acting like a victim. I am not. I am a victor.
Replies
You are a victor!
Gabrielle