Why?
How do I get my self-worth back? I'm trying so hard to be here in the now, but I can't help but worry about the future, about my children. Why did this happen? That question repeats itself in my head over and over again. Why can't he hurt the way that I'm hurting? Why is this girl he's never even met face to face so much more important than me?
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In my experience, my friend, you have only lost what self worth you choose to have lost. You are an amazing mother, you were/are an amazing wife. YOU held the \'home\' together while he failed HIS responsibilities and commitments. HIS actions are NO reflection on who you are. They are a reflection of who HE is. None of this may be sinking in right now, emotions are too high, but there is absolute truth in what I am saying as proven time and time again.
*praying for some peace for you and your children to come soon
Only he can answer why it happened, and he may not even know himself. And even if he DID answer, would you be able to believe it?
As for your self-worth, you might consider some individual counseling. It is important to know that his actions are HIS, not yours. You can only own your own choices and behavior and what he did says everything about HIS character and nothing about yours.
For your kids, just be there for them right now and try to be as strong as you can. Regardless of how this turns out, you will be okay. Keep telling yourself that.
And for him...just pretend he is either a ghost living in your home or tell him to get the f*ck out if you are able to manage that with $, kids, etc. I would also talk to a lawyer, just to see what your options are. don\'t make any big decisions yet, but its better to be proactive than wait and see what he does.