I want so badly to be sexy and skinny. I want to be a model bride.. I want to shed the weight I've agonized over having during the past few years. Now that I'm starting to recover from binge eating, I'm more aware of the times I'm in binge mode and when I'm not and just wanting to eat for the sake of it. My main problem is my insecurity with my partner. I feel that because he looked up images of naken women that I am not enough.I don't think there's anything he can do, because I'm hurt at such a deep level that I don't see myself recovering anytime soon. I don't anger him, I just hate that he did it and feel I never fully can be satisfactory in his eyes to the complete. I am not his fantasy, this I know now because of his porn habit. Anyway, I look at images like Paris Hilton and Christina Aguilera etc. and just dream to be like them!!! I know they have money, but I know I can get as slim as they - if ONLY I could control what I ate more. I want to have control of what my body looks like, but not starve and do it in a really healthy way! I have DREAMED of having a 6 pack, and haven't got it because I've got in my own way eating chocolate every week. I dont' think a week has gone by in the past years - where I haven't had chocolate. I wonder if I can give it up - and I know it sounds funny but I am SCARED of what will happen if I give it up e.g. my emotional unbalance, my lack of comfort. I need to challenge myself with this, but I wonder, can anyone else set me a challenge to do this please? Or perhaps do it with me?