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I need to vent. I feel so crap!. Food was my vent and now I shiver at having little to nothing. I keep pushing God out... I feel that it's too much work and effort that I don't have - I know that's looking at it from the wrong angle but when I try to give, everyone's ready to take and never ready to give back.  I've been swearing a lot more, and just plain like a grumpy ol woman! Feeling fat and ugly and frumpy only makes that emphasized and I feel even worse. I could mourn about how bad I feel about myself and the fact is I don't know what to do with my body - it's just so grotesque to me and none of my clothes I fit properly. .............  Anyway I've since had three pieces of toast, so I'm feeling less on edge a few hours later. I've also been reading harry potter in an attempt to calm down!. I don't know why.. I should be happy I haven't massively attacked the sugar and caffiene - And I do not intend to do so. I've had five pieces of bread though which is a real shame... because that's wAY over the limit of two as a maximum. Anyway nevermind i'll move on from that.. I had a little binge today because was feeling so crud.. and ate an entire pack of rice cakes with non cheese spread, which I think made me suffer a little downstairs at work... woops. But oh well, it could have been so much worse. I drove past the typical place of shops that I would tend to grab the bad foods, that was difficult to do but I did it and I can say at least it wasn't a binge on things I'd spent my money on that were a lot worse for me. ------------I'm still going okay really... considering... how hard on myself can I be before I break down again. So while i'm taking it slowely... I've a way to go I know. Ideally I want to try my typical day as this: - Fruit and nuts for breakfast- Salad for lunch or a salad sandwich/ or a sweet potato and soup- and a nice milkshake on soy or a cappacinno- Fruit for snack and a yoghurt if peckish - herbal tea- Vegetables/ Stir fry/ Salad and tofu for dinner- Hot chocolate/ Herbal tea for dinner I think this should be plenty to get me by without feeling faint but like today I had funny blood sugar level spikes at about 3pm and I'm pretty sure that's a big reason why I binged, I was so dizzy.. I hope that's enough to help me lose weight, and not too much!  My goal is to lose not so much weight from the scale, but weight from my clothes - everything is so tight, it's so sad :( It's making me really sad :( .... But it's within my power to do something and I'm TRYIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNG!