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I felt a little frantic tonight and I hsould have sighten the warning signs. I felt i couldn't sleep, i was overtired but so very strained. I wanted to relax and was having trouble and actually let my body go into the kitchen repeatedly too many times and ended up NOT having chocolate bars YAY or ice cream but I did regrettably have too many other things, those buckwheat large cracker things with peanut butter x9, 1 tea, 1 hot choc, and 2 choc shakes and 1 apple. Following dinner which was tempe and a large salad with balsamic vinigar. I'm not sure that it's a terrible binge so I take comfort in that because going by my last binges it could have been vastly worse!.  I was feeling motivated about losing weight until the whole 'my boyfriend looked at porn' thing. I think my insecurity is not so much in not trusting my boyfriend but because I was so hurt by it and couldn't understand that he didnt wish I looked like his objects of porn. UGh objects! that makes me so miserable. Sometimes to the extent of wanting to break up with him, but that's not rationale becuase I believe him when he says he doesn't look at it and that relationships are about compromise and I hope to God he's changed for good. If i married someone that ended up looking at porn - He'd be out the door with a foot up the ass on the way. That's I guess why I'm so anxious about it - I feel as i'm getting older that marriage is definately more of a prospect and that I need to be careful in who I invest in!. I don't know... I love him, I do but I can't stop comparing myself with others. I don't come out on top. Others who are fat - i feel are what i turn into because of my bingeing and I dont judge them for it.. because i understand. And others who are skinny and sexy - those that turn all the heads is who i want to be because I hate it when they make my boyfriend turn his head. Anyway... I binge so often on this precise topic. But i'm starting to see just how unhappy I am with the way THAT I MYSELF compare myself with others and while this has mostly been cause of my boyf looking at porn I guess I can't blame him I need to sort myself out and move on.  Today I ate' Green ShakeSalad sandwichShake x2 Salad and tempeShake x2, tea, hot choc, apple, all those crisps  like i said.. not toooooo awful!