OK SO HELLOOO journal! I HAVE been ignoring you haven't I! OOPS- there goes counsellor advice out the window hehe. anyway I feel to write because I'm having major frustration issues with myself - one might say what's new but yes.. it's there big time.I can't seem to stop rushing out to get myself into some sugary pile of junk food eating fest daily .... I want to lose weight though! And get back into shape. I need it for my self esteem so badly. I need to know that I can set myself to doing something and actually DO IT! It seems it's always easier said then done, but the impossible atmosphere keeps kicking me down daily and that's just not right and definately not how it has to be. I'm not counting anything, weighing or measuring anything. I'm just hoping to eat no junk food! And then once I get that rolling this week get back into the gym next week. I've been so crazily bored because I'm winding up the end of my holidays- and I know it should be like yay i'm on holidays I can go do anything I want but somehow I just don't. I think it's because I've got no friends to 'do' anything with and i'm not someone who enjoys things alone very much.. except for binging on choc watching movies or reading books eeeek get me out of there it's not good for this growing tum/bum! One other thing is that it was my goal to grow my hair again, and out of a crisis 'i need to change' low esteem moment I rushed out and got my hair all cut off!!!!! and totally ruined it by bleaching it as well!  OK- note to SELF- BREATHE! Any other girl out there who does rash things out of feeling bad will understand how much image is also tied into this. I have since died it brown so that It will grow back my natural colour with a bit of shine in it (also i haven't seen my natural colour since i was a teen) and hopefully combat me wrecking it and making it like straw with that evil bleach.Point is, it didn'tm ake me feel better and I have kept on bingeing. I figure I need to not be rash - that's a source of me running out and buying crap to eat afterall. But the trick to not be rash.. i dont know.. relax or whatever. Anyway here's to my mission and saying ot myself that today is a new day and a fresh start. I hope there's others out there who can empathise and drop me a line if they wish to be cathartic also!