OK SO HELLOOO journal!
I HAVE been ignoring you haven't I! OOPS- there goes counsellor advice out the window hehe. anyway I feel to write because I'm having major frustration issues with myself - one might say what's new but yes.. it's there big time.
I can't seem to stop rushing out to get myself into some sugary pile of junk food eating fest daily .... I want to lose weight though! And get back into shape. I need it for my self esteem so badly. I need to know that I can set myself to doing something and actually DO IT! It seems it's always easier said then done, but the impossible atmosphere keeps kicking me down daily and that's just not right and definately not how it has to be.
I'm not counting anything, weighing or measuring anything. I'm just hoping to eat no junk food! And then once I get that rolling this week get back into the gym next week. I've been so crazily bored because I'm winding up the end of my holidays- and I know it should be like yay i'm on holidays I can go do anything I want but somehow I just don't. I think it's because I've got no friends to 'do' anything with and i'm not someone who enjoys things alone very much.. except for binging on choc watching movies or reading books eeeek get me out of there it's not good for this growing tum/bum! One other thing is that it was my goal to grow my hair again, and out of a crisis 'i need to change' low esteem moment I rushed out and got my hair all cut off!!!!! and totally ruined it by bleaching it as well!
OK- note to SELF- BREATHE! 
Any other girl out there who does rash things out of feeling bad will understand how much image is also tied into this. I have since died it brown so that It will grow back my natural colour with a bit of shine in it (also i haven't seen my natural colour since i was a teen) and hopefully combat me wrecking it and making it like straw with that evil bleach.
Point is, it didn'tm ake me feel better and I have kept on bingeing. I figure I need to not be rash - that's a source of me running out and buying crap to eat afterall. But the trick to not be rash.. i dont know.. relax or whatever.
Anyway here's to my mission and saying ot myself that today is a new day and a fresh start. I hope there's others out there who can empathise and drop me a line if they wish to be cathartic also! 
Replies
Yea i completely understand. I have those some feelings of wanting and needing change. Its like i thrive on doing things impulsively. When things are going bad and you can\'t control some of the other stuff that is going on in your life... reach for anything in you handbag of things you can control...to make you feel less....out of control. That is why binge eating, and cutting you hair or giving up on your goals or not doing the dishes or....procrastinating on homework or skipping class, or not going to work..you get the point im sure... is so easy to do when you are feeling so badly about yourself....because you know that its an easy fix....(a short fix) but its something that you can do physically right then...that will get your mind of of stuff...and BONUS you will see results quick to. Instead of actually doing things that are good for you that might take some time to show you results....like working out...or growing out your hair.
Also i feel strongly that when we distract our selves with impulsive decisions, eating, coloring or cutting hair, procrastinating....its like we are avoiding the real issues. So that is when i start to right in my journal....as soon as i notice that i am doing something that is impulsive....i write about it.
OR even after the impulsive behavoir. I ask myself okay what is going on in my life right now that i need to deal with...besides getting better at not...binge eating, and not being impulsive....because its the underlying issues that drive us to make those not so healthy decisions.
I would start with that....I try to not to worry so much about the \"mistakes\" i make...or impulsive behavoirs i do...but try to focus on what it is that is making me want to do those things.....
I remember thinking those things too...and then also realizing that Just Realizing that you are acting in a way that doesn\'t make you feel good about yourself and wanting stop being impulsive...its a step in the right direction! i support you! WE CAN GET THROUGH THIS TOGETHER!