I feel like my heart breaks when I think back to how nathan betrayed me. He led me to feel so secure that he wouldn't look at other women naked on the internet. BUT evidently he did - that's one year ago and I haven't been the same since. Truth is I don't think that there is another guy out there who doesn't look about porn or think devishly about women naked in general. It's a horribly lustful world we live in and I think about becomming single and staying that way because it's not worth the hurt.I feel so insecure about it. I found my father was into porn as I found a mag in his study, I also found out about my sisters husband sneaking off to strip clubs as well as my boys brother being consumed by it. I found my bro has a massive stash of anime porn, and a lot of it. And here I am amongst all these filfy filfy fucking males. What is their problem? I find I don't want to be sexual with my partner when i think of this. I find I dont want to know him or love him or be around him when we watch a show and a sexy female comes on or something naked is flashed before him. I feel like he was an addict of sexual pornography and That I can't take being a victim of that betrayal. It is a fear.. I dont want to accept it but it's made me so insecure about my looks, my body and my inability to please him in that area because I want to stay chaste.  Prob is that when we were doing lots of sexual things together was when he was LOOKING AT IT the most! Which makes me so sick to my stomach to think about. I haven't coped well with this and I just don't want to make the wrong decision or turn him to porn again. He has no idea how much he hurt me... and I can't even begin to explain it to him. He lied.