I feel like dream theatre says 'tear my soul into two, i'm not the one I thought i always knew. I just can't help myself I feel like i'm going out of my head, i'm getting strange dejavu'. I hope to find the truth....

 So yes. I got bad results for stats - the unit i'm avoiding BIG TIME. This depression isn't helpling me get through anything and due dates are all muzzled around in my head and i'm having problems getting into assessments DUE this week. Not that i know any more details than that because I can't seem to catch a thought and get organized. My room is a mess just like my head and so are my friendships because .. well they are just too busy and I am not much company to be honest.

I don't want to take drugs for depression but I really need a new life and a change. I need change- I've downed some chocolate ice cream so far today and its only lunch. I'm about to get pizza.. oh the junk food my my, but it helps to get the attention off this pain i am feeling as it's one of the few things that make me feel good.

I will try and be positive. Get a re-mark and maybe again some extensions for this week for things that are due?. I really should do that I guess. I'm feeling so pissed off at uni because I have to do it and i don't want to. I have to get good marks or this whole 6 months was a total WASTE. If i fail or dont do well i jeapordise all of the last years work, it will lower my gpa (average grade that needs to go up to get into my special study next year in psych). 

Actually i found out last week i could have got into some things anyway with what i already had. SO WHY THE FUDGE AM I DOING THIS 6 MONTH COURSE. I hate this. How can i get through it.

I'm feeling like I hate myself, how i look and i feel so ungrateful - because I have the world at my feet- I just can't seem to make myself make the most of it! argh. I just want to do music and write a book - I just want to be happy.