Can you believe it, I might be in a fashion catwalk as a model - its not a huge job but a huge deal for me! A little nervous but excited at the same time/ but I dont want to look fat compared to the other models. I have 2 weeks to do a little trimming lol in other words, 0 tolerance for junk food.

far out I have put on so much weight with those terrible habits - notice i didnt say these- but i'm having a bit more success... and NOW I HAVE INCENTIVE to keep to this diet of crap and bingeing free!

I still get vivid flash desires to binge on chocolate- however I think now that i've given my system a bit of a chance to flush some of that choc and high sugar/fat out (the part that hasn't stuck to my hips etc!) it helps. The bad food would also put me in a nasty mood the next day until I had more of it... so I'm starting to deal with that some more and just trying not to START... because it's thereon out that I can not stop.

I'm back at the gym 3 days a week and I haven't had a binge in a good week? hmm maybe longer?. Literally Taking each day at a time - it not each food hour- and trying not to give my thoughts over to fantasizing about chocolate... because otherwise I might go out and do it- the pull becomes so strong it's not funny.

But This is a great goal I need to keep RIGHT at the centre of these pangs because I want to look great for the catwalk and I want to do more jobs like that! I want to have a six pack (which if at any time in my life now is the time right?). I want to be able to not think about food all of the time and I want to not have chocolate dominate my pleasure centre.. and go stupid on it!

I can do this. God please sustain me, guide my thoughts and be my sustanance. Help me to focus on the right things. RENEW my mind daily and my heart also as it says in Ephesians.

Trying to learn to love myself.