I want to cut this part out of me. Should i use a knife and fork? might that be ironic?

I don't want to do this anymore, but each day here I am again- I have other things I have to do... I have to function in this world. Order. No time for anxiety, no time to eat endlessly and yet I do- rubbish all around me. My mind is detached from my stomach and I definately feel the nautiouosness rise and fall, rise and fall. I wont force it out- i will suffer the consequences, and yet I go back for more. What the heck am I hungry for?

My food is to do the will of him who sent me- tHE BIBLE. Can I do this instead? GOD???