I started out having a great day- I didn't avoid my responsibilities I pushed myself. Now, after surviving the day - and then again after making myself go to the gym and being caught in a convo about chocolate here I am.Like an impulse that you simply cannot ignore, I am binge eating.  I won't throw up. I won't weigh myself but I will not give a stuff. I don't want to be like this - but I feel impending sense of doom in a way that I just can't shake. In meditation at the gym I saw myself as seperate - like I was crying deeply... I just can't seem to reach that place. I don't know if I even know how. God is good, but I am a strong represent of tragic humanity, and my blood has turned to one dark sticky substance - chocolate.