Today started good. By 4pm or so I slid into my funk again. I have to focus on two big assignments for my classes and I didnt even feel like reading tonight. How the hell do you retain what you are reading when your thinking all your fucked up thoughts concurrently? Im just passing my eyes over rows of words. My future holds no promise and I have no direction and its just becoming more frightening rather that "passing" or getting better. I see everyone else living their lives or something like it and I just get to watch. I feel like Im always sitting on the sidelines in the game of life never getting to be a participant. I almost thought I was up to bat (when I met my ex and thought I found my turn at love) but that turned out to be anything but. Ive been on the outside looking in for too long and its weighing on me more than ever before, especially after this recent breakup. Its been about a month but to me seems like yesterday and I am not feeling normal at all. If I cant handle breaking it off with a dirtbag who hurt me repeatedly then God help me. What the fuck! Im starting to wonder what shot I have at all and its scaring me. I cant think logically and I have to excel in school or I will feel like more of a loser as I already feel stupid as it is. I wish I knew what Im doing or not doing and how I always wind up on the outer side of the door but a person cant figure this out if they are that far removed from what is normal. I just dont know anymore. All I know is that it feels damn good to write my emotions. I guess I'll go smoke another cigarette now even though I dont really need one. Then I will do my moisturizing regimen and take my vitamins so I can feel like Im doing something good. Its bullshit though cause I still havent gotten my procrastinating, lazy, chickenshit ass to the gym 10 minutes away only open TWENTY FOUR HOURS A FRIGGIN DAY! Paid damn good money for the membership too. Like I said, ....stupid!
Replies
Hey girl! Don\'t beat yourself up! You are human ya know. We all make mistakes. Some, like me, like to make the same ones over and over until we learn our lesson. Here\'s what you do - you concentrate on school! I know it\'s hard but you can do it! Totally put your whole self into it. It will keep your mind busy so you are not thinking about that guy that treated you like crap. Then you go to the gym and work your brains out. REALLY SWEAT!!!! Come home and take a nice hot bath, maybe with a glass of wine to relax and go to bed and get a good nights sleep. Tomorrow is another day and it will be better than today only if you make it that way. I know you can do it! Let me know how you make out....hang in there, it\'ll all work out! I promise! big hugs
Gee girl. Listen to yourself put yourself down. Now one is doing it to you. You are doing it yourself. You need to reprogram your head and see your own greatness. Why can\'t you see it? You are worthy of anything your dream up. Your beautiful. There is notheing you can\'t do be or have if you just put your mind to it. You can do anything.
Why are you giving away your power? Why are you running yourself down? You should be your own best friend. Take a \"ME\" day and be good to yourself.
Give yourself a new script. You deserve a great realtionship and you will have a devine relationship. You are going to get obsessed about your education because you really love this field. All the dreams you have for yourself are yours for the taking. Allow it.