Day began positively. Should have turned off cell phone. The ex called n called but got no answer. Go me! But I, knowing better, fell to the temptation of responding to the unfair texts he so strategically sent. Go dumbass! I shouldnt have entertained him. And I took some low blows along the way. But tomorrow ; I hereby profess to be --THE MIGHTY CELL PHONE/TEXT MESSAGE ANTI-ANSWERER. I shall boldly ignore what no man has ignored before.......(I just need to be strong and not be saddened if he does not contact me. That is a bigger hurdle for me to get over.)
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He called twice earlier today. I was strong and did not answer AND turned of the phone. later I listened to the 5 messages he had to leave to convince himself that it was I who blew our relationship. I knew his motives for bullshit rantings and found them typical and even rather amusing. My talk with my friend yesterday helped me alot as he allowed me to vent, thus sorting it out while articulating my feelings. This site has been a blessing too. Thanks to my new circle of friends. And God Bless all of you.
Im going to try try and I think maybe try to keep myself occupied this weekend doing things to improve myself. I will be in touch with the handful I good friends I do have, \"ya find out who ur friends are\"-kenney chesney---and I will try to socialize with them Saturday cuz its my big 40 b-day and also my ex\'s birthday. Shoulda been a big deal for us but now we will spent it seperately. He will be thinking of that too, but, well you know. Im freakin 40 that just sounds wierd to me. where the hell have I been. I feel younger than that but maybe its a touch of immaturity since I feel like I pretty much didnt pull my head out of my ass til i was 27! Hey better late than never right!
Decided to clean up my place thoroughly today. Mayb a psychological \"cleaning house\" in a sort of way. Knew it would make things seem better with more space to move around. It later dawned on me that powder form carpet cleaner was too strong so as I sat on the floor cleaning out out my nightstand I was breathing it in and it made me weak and very nautious. So I sat in my backyard in the N.O. heat to breath outdoor air staring at the blades of grass beneath my head in my hands fighting nausea thinking \"he\'s gets to enjoy his birthday weekend with his new harley and his new substitute girlfriend and I get to be on the verge of a barfing episode. Makes me wanna puke----NO WAIT-------------------HHUURRRRRHH-