Lucy

My baby girl has gone on to heaven. I'm so sad and upset. I found her outside our bedroom door this morning. She was weezing and you could tell she had been throwing up blood. We took her to the ER vet clinic cause nothing is open on a Sunday around here. The Dr. said it wasn't good when she examined her. They took one x-ray of her chest. Her lungs were full of fluid. :( She wasn't gonna make it much longer at all. We decided to have her put to sleep cause we didnt want her to die in pain. But by the time we got done telling her goodbye and the technicions prepared her; she started coughing up blood everywhere and panicing. The Dr. rushed in with a seditive and the gave her the meds to put ther to sleep. She fell asleep fast. I was holding her on the table when they did it. I didnt want to leave her and since I had been a vet tech before, I wanted to help wrap up her body to take home. My husband had to step out before they even started giveing her the meds cause he was upet too but couldn't bear to watch. So I got to help  send her on to heaven and prepare her body and wrap her up.
We took her to my Nana's house. They have an old flower bed where all the kitties that have passed on over the years are burried, one beside the other. they each have their own marker so we know hwich kitty is where. It was very sad watching my husband cry while he covered her. He was doing fine digging the hole, but he got upset when he had to cover her up. She was warped up in the stuff that the vets office used. Then my Nana gave me an old pillow case to put around it since we didnt have a box. It was one of my pillow cases from when I was little, so it was very fitting for my baby.
It is still so shocking that she is gone. Its like the "blockers" as i call them, in my head are trying to keep me from really absorbing the fact that she is really gone and what we went through this morning was real. Like it was all just a bad dream. i wish it was just all a bad dream. My other too cats still dont know whats going on. Its gonna break my heart when Pepper starts looking for her. That was his girl.