So it has been quite a while since I have writen anything here on DS. I have been busy with life in general, my partnership, my mental status and my new career. This have been really good I must say and I am really learning a lot about myself since I stopped taking medication and going to therapy. There is a whole other world that I have in my life and it haunts me with every step I take to get better. Recovery.Since I have been clean, it has been difficult to resist the relapse possibility and well, its there each and every day calling my name towards its evil trend.I refuse to give in. Being clean in every way means I actually get to live life for what it is. I feel everything that I was numbing and although it is painful most of the time, it is so incredibly beneficial to my growth as a human being. Sobreity means I am making my family and friends proud, I get to keep my partner and I get to finally be ME. The person I lost so many years ago before this struggle with addiction took control of my life. I know that the feeling of wanting to go out and get drugs is there every single day of my life and it is the most evil voice creeping in my ears at any given moment, but it is all a test. I know that I have had days where I give in and have a drink and I know there will be many other days like that but things are much different now. I actually feel.. I feel reality and emotion.. it is the most amazing thing. I never thought I would say that I enjoyed being sad or unhappy but I really am thankful that I can be real again. Addiction and medication changed me into someone I did not like, someone who had not a single ounce of who I am inside.. getting rid of that is so liberating. Being able to fight the urge or relapse is difficult but so amazing as well.. I love it.My work allows me to bring my experiences to the table and help these women understand that they are not alone. I lovefeeling like I am doing something for them, for others. I truly believe this is what I am meant to do.My partner still struggles with gender identity and has now come to the conclusion that he is gender queer and would prefer to be referred to as neither he or she (though I use both depending on the situation since I am not out at work and my family believes that it is a female that I am dating). I understand this and have decided that I am not in love with his gender but I am in love with the person and therefore it really does not matter what gender they are.. makes the most sense.I am doing well and I love it. I know things will be difficult and they have been but I am feeling amazing.Yay!