Today, I am trying hard to turn my thoughts of her off...But I can't help but miss her touch, warmth and beauty.As much as she's hurt me, I still love her in many ways.. not in love with her anymore but I love and care for her deeply. It hurts me that I did nothing wrong to deserve what she's done to me.. and that she won't give me the time of day... a helping hand or even an email reply. She is too busy with her life to bother with mine. If I died tomorrow, I am not even the least bit sure she would mourn me or bother with my funeral.. that makes me deeply sad. I know that if she died tomorrow, I would be on the first flight out to be with her Dad.. I'd put my life on hold.. But I doubt she would do the same.I wish she would tell me what she's feeling, so I might try and understand things better.. but she won't speak, just send me pictures of things I don't care to see - that make my insides feel like they are being ripped out with a giant claw.. and I cry.. oh how I cry.She guided me in coming out, she made me feel human and loved.. she made me feel sexy and pure, wanted, needed, lusted for.. she made me feel real again.. and then she took it away.I wish I could understand how she can be so cold to me.. the woman she professed to love the most of all the others.. I wish I could be cold too.. I try each day to get closer to my goal.. I hope it gets easier sooner than later.I seek understanding, and all I come up with is confusion for the masses..