I'm not sure why I am so upset right now, about Her. Not being together feels so awkward, but she doesn't want anything to do with me. I don't think I am a repulsive or unkind person but there has to be a reason why she doesn't even talk to me. I wish I knew why..For the first time in over a month I am crying about her but this time its different. It's not because she left me but its because I want to know why I don't exist to her. I didn't think it was possible to do that to someone you claim to have loved so deep and pure. I wish she would tell me.. I wish she would come to me like she used to and talk, open up.. but she won't. I am not in control of the situation anymore but I can't help what I feel inside right now. Twisting, tearing.. ripping insides like she's removing the life I have inside. I am not this weak... I never have been but I gave her my absolute all. I gave her all the pure love I could conjure up inside of my broken insides and she took it, held it in her palms and one day she dropped it in the sand and stomped and ground it up until it was a fine powder.. dust in the wind. I don't ever want this to happen again, I'm not sure I have the strength to try again in the near future. I know that one day she will realize what she did to me.. only I fear she won't give a damn because I am not worth fighting for. I always told her that I would fight for her, and I did - until I was too weary to stand. But she didn't want me, she doesn't and I don't think she ever will again. Not even as a friend. But I'll tell you this, she was my best friend and deep inside of me.. she still is. I am actually sick over her and she is no where to be seen. She could care less. I wonder if something terrible should happen to me tomorrow, would she rush to be by my side? I used to know the answer.. now I disagree with it. Its funny how she spoke of the others' in her life before me that had ripped her heart out and made her drown in sorrow.. that she would never ever do what they had done to anyone else.. especially me. I was the best, I treated her the best, Loved her the most, took care of her the most, was the best lover.. I was the best to her. Its funny now, because you hurt the ones you love THE MOST.. I wish this wasn't so.To those whom think I wallow far too much for my own good.. you know where I am, you've been here before. I know things will pass and I have done so well before tonight. Its just that tonight for once I tried to get her acknowledgement and it failed miserably.Now I am left to ponder how to retrieve my being and dignity.. I'm just a few ounces shy of the strength to do so..