Ok, I said I'd write again and so here I am... faithfully... that never changes..Today was okay, did a lot of deep meditation and centered myself and it was nice. I thought a lot about the people I've met here on this site in the short while I have been on and, well you are all amazing. I am so thankful for a place like this to write, speak and share with others' whom are in the same (or similar) boat as I am in. I think its great.. trying so hard to turn over the leaf..Again, for a bit I thought about Her.. man she really did a number on me. I just don't get it. I understand people change over time but, she did a good job in clouding my judgement.. maybe it was my fault? Is it possible to be sick and truly in love with someone, but not to see that they aren't really in love with you? Man.. that could have happened. I don't think about Her to torture myself, but I miss her and I really do love her no matter how much she's hurt me. I just.. I believe every Soul you meet is for a purpose, but with her there was so much connection and spending 4 years together was amazing. I never thought it would end. I was naive. It's just that, now she is living a single life and sleeping with people.. in fact within 2 weeks she was.. Am I the only person who thinks this is wrong? I guess I am so angry and I was so persistant in letting her know that I thought she was making a mistake. Not in letting me go (I am a not good partner), but the choices she was making in her life... her priorities are messed up and she was SOOO the priority person, not me! I just I don't know, I guess I care too much about things I can't fix.Maybe I think too much.. oh.. meh.. whatever..I miss being loved like lovers love. I am not ready for another one though.. It only spells disaster..Tori Amos... Crucify....