Why?

why do I feel this way?  I know there is a way out of this, just haven't gotten on the right path yet...but it becomes so tiresome, trying to find a way all the time...it's constanly on my mind, I can't sleep, don't feel like eating, just feel like I no longer exist.  My family has accepted me for who I am and what I have wrong with me, but I want more out of life than living in tis body...I feel trapped inside my own little cocoon...sure I'll take chances and go places with my wife..but I set out in the car most of the time, while she does the shopping.  I hate feeling as if everyone is out to get me...that's all I think about anymore and it wears on my body, more than I even know...that's what scares me.  I'll probably die at a young age just from all of the worrying that I do.  Why do I worry??  I wish I knew the answer to that.  I know that it accomplishes nothing but making me feel terrible and freaked out all the time.  I know that I don't know what the future holds, that's me I have to have a clear cut answer to everything, even the things I have no control over I want answers!!  Why can't I just live like a normal human being, take it a day at a time, don't worry about the past, or the future, I have no more control over them than the next guy, but I still get on this sickening merry go round that's driving me mad.  I wish that I could just jump off, or at least slow it down, but it's as if I'm not the one in control.  It just keeps going and going, whirling with bad thoughts, and feelings.  What I would give for a day without anxiety and panic!!  I wouldn't know what to do.  So I continue searching for that path...never finding it, but I still have hope, and that is all that keeps me going, for without hope, my life would be meaningless.  Someday I will find that path, maybe today,maybe five years from now...but I will find it,  and when I do I hope that I can have some peace in my life.  For now I'll continue to trudge through feelings of yesterday, and thoughts of tomorrow, for if I quit trying there is no longer hope, and I need hope!!!!