So I thought I was getting to a good place (essentially NC for a couple of weeks now) until yesterday afternoon when OW called five times (I did not answer) and emailed (which I did read). She was upset because a mutual acquaintance had come into her office telling her how I had just signed up for LinkedIn and included him as a contact. I had deliberately excluded her but didn't think that anyone would come and talk to her about it. So this upset her and she tried to make contact to express her pain at how I am continuing to hurt her. In her email she asked why must I hurt her in this manner (LinkedIn? Really? is that hurting her?).
A little background, I had worked for 13 years at this firm and got her the job about 2 years ago shortly after began to fool around. Although we fooled around at each other's homes when our S's were out, we also fooled around plenty at the office after hours but when others might have still been around. We also fooled around in my car in office parking garage and apparently a security guard noticed that. Anyway, so I got fired in December, a week before Christmas in part because the boss was fed up with the A. My OW is an emotional person and my efforts at trying to pull away over the last ten months and OW's jealousy were causing a lot of drama in the office. She did not get fired in part because the boss is afraid of her and that she might sue him for some kind of discrimination. I on the other hand am must less emotional and he must have figured that I would go quietly, which I did. ( in fact I was almost relieved because although I wanted to end the A, I did not see how I could if we were still in the same office.
I finally found this web site a few weeks ago and thanks to reading about of you I have resolved like never before to go NC. I have been doing pretty good in my opinion. Although she would call and email, I would not answer in the least. I basically went underground. I even went NC with some of my old friends and colleagues from the old office. Yes, I went NC with the whole former office just to be completely out of the picture. Now although I don't want to admit it, I do miss her. We did have a connection that was more than sexual. I guess I was not missing her enough to break NC, but I am missing her enough to not go nuclear and make it clear that we are over.
So, after she sent me the first email yesterday, I was resolved not to do anything about it for 24 hours. Sleep on it and maybe respond in a nice but firm way, I thought. Later that afternoon, however, she sent me another email that said:
"Oh, never mind, [Sedgwick].
I will leave you be, but I wish you the best and hope you do wish me the best as well. Thank you for helping me and for your friendship and legal counsel in the past, and please never do anything unkind to me and just keep me and AJ [her daughter] I your prayers. And always wish me the best! Wishing you the best, and wishing I could have been a better friend, [Jane]"
**************************
So, this last email has me a little off balance. I don't plan to respond today or tomorrow, but I already find myself "cutting a deal with my concions TO BE CONTINUED
A little background, I had worked for 13 years at this firm and got her the job about 2 years ago shortly after began to fool around. Although we fooled around at each other's homes when our S's were out, we also fooled around plenty at the office after hours but when others might have still been around. We also fooled around in my car in office parking garage and apparently a security guard noticed that. Anyway, so I got fired in December, a week before Christmas in part because the boss was fed up with the A. My OW is an emotional person and my efforts at trying to pull away over the last ten months and OW's jealousy were causing a lot of drama in the office. She did not get fired in part because the boss is afraid of her and that she might sue him for some kind of discrimination. I on the other hand am must less emotional and he must have figured that I would go quietly, which I did. ( in fact I was almost relieved because although I wanted to end the A, I did not see how I could if we were still in the same office.
I finally found this web site a few weeks ago and thanks to reading about of you I have resolved like never before to go NC. I have been doing pretty good in my opinion. Although she would call and email, I would not answer in the least. I basically went underground. I even went NC with some of my old friends and colleagues from the old office. Yes, I went NC with the whole former office just to be completely out of the picture. Now although I don't want to admit it, I do miss her. We did have a connection that was more than sexual. I guess I was not missing her enough to break NC, but I am missing her enough to not go nuclear and make it clear that we are over.
So, after she sent me the first email yesterday, I was resolved not to do anything about it for 24 hours. Sleep on it and maybe respond in a nice but firm way, I thought. Later that afternoon, however, she sent me another email that said:
"Oh, never mind, [Sedgwick].
I will leave you be, but I wish you the best and hope you do wish me the best as well. Thank you for helping me and for your friendship and legal counsel in the past, and please never do anything unkind to me and just keep me and AJ [her daughter] I your prayers. And always wish me the best! Wishing you the best, and wishing I could have been a better friend, [Jane]"
**************************
So, this last email has me a little off balance. I don't plan to respond today or tomorrow, but I already find myself "cutting a deal with my concions TO BE CONTINUED
Replies
Once I read and this was my mantra in some of my more difficult times, \"Just because you miss someone doesn\'t mean they should be in your life. Missing someone is a natural part of letting go\". There is no shortcut around that. Just keep busy, busy, busy......Sometimes I would go for a walk, a run, the gym.....sometimes I would send my H a text I wanted to send B. That actually always went well.... Like sending him an \"I miss you\" during the day when he was at work.
Yep, NC is the best way to go. Coming clean here my A has been over (which is kinda ridiculous to say anymore) since 1/2014.....but since that time the longest we have gone NC is about 2 1/2 months....and I need to say at the end of that 2 1/2 months I was soooo much better....so much.....My issue is he always finds a way to contact me and I will always answer, maybe not the same day either....but sleeping on it helps.
LOL..the email she wrote you.....it sounds like its all about her......
I think
CONTINUED (thanks shoretimenow, but what do you mean that the email she sent sounds all about her? Funny a friend of mine said the same thing on the phone and I forgot to ask him what he meant).
. . .so I haven\'t responded to that email, but for the first time since I went NC, I really, really want to make contact. I am like the alcoholic that now after being sober for a while really wants a drink. I did make a deal with myself not to do anything stupid until next week and hopefully by then this feeling will have worn off.
Funny thing, just a few days ago I would read others posts here (those that were longing and suffering) and almost scoff thinking to myself well at I least I don\'t have it that bad. Boy was I wrong.
Problem is that I have been home for a few days between temporary, work gigs and I am bored. The wife goes to work and kids are at school or daycare and instead of focusing and looking for that permanent job, I let my self get bored. Its true what they say \"idle minds are the work of the devil.\"
In my favor, I will say that I have remained NC. . . . I just keep imagining if I did contact her how she would respond with a guilt trip \"why being so mean to me, why you shutting me out, I would never have done that to you . . . blah, blah , blah\" . . . I don\'t got time for that shit! LOL