Day 39 - a pier in San Francisco, a popular spot for tourists (i stayed away while i lived there...except on the 4th of july of course!)where has my motivation gone? i'm not talking food here, i'm talking in general. when i first moved here i was at dance classes every day and sometimes twice. now, its so hard for me to get my butt there. i get dressed and ready to go, then when its time to leave, i just dont want to go and i either make up and excuse why or i just deal with the fact that i dont want to go. its really getting annoying, especially since i still have 4 classes to use before they expire on monday. maybe its cuz i'm not as good as i used to be and it gets frustrasting. but how am i gonna get better if i dont go? maybe its just my laziness.maybe i just feel like i have no future as a dancer and its a waste of my time. i need to get out of this slump....fast. seriously, i came down here to dance and now i'm not even doing it. i'm gonna need to do some serious thinking about all this.i've been really tired lately too. i dont know why, although i've ben trying to figre it out. my first thought is that i'm actually sleeping too much. i've been falling asleep lately around 11 pm and not getting out of bed until 8 or 9am. some nights that can mean i'm sleeping for 9-10 hours which is probably unnecessary...especially since i havent been getting much exercise lately. i would get up earlier, cuz most days i'll wake up at like 7-730 but then i dont know what to do with myself that early in the morning if i'm planning to get to class at 1130 (if i actually go!)...unless i have to be at work that early. the other thought about why i'm so tired is that its something medical. my thoughts are diabetes (cuz i seem to be showing other symptoms) or depression (which goes along with this motivation thing). i would love to get to a doctor to see if its either of these but i dont have the insurance or money to do that right now. so i guess for now all i can do is not sleep more than 8 hours and get some damn exercise! on a good note, eating went very well today! i love it how my eating is the good note. i dont really have anything to say about it but i will say that i really like having this journal to report to. when i didnt have internet at my apt and wasnt writing daily it was a lot easier to eat bad. now that i know i'm gonna come on here at the end of the day, as long as i have time to, i make sure to eat better so i dont have to write a disappointing journal. even if no one reads them, i do, and what matters most to me is how well i'm doing. buts its also nice knowing other are checking up on me...thanks guys!
Replies
Maybe you are just sick of things and do need a break i dont think that sleeping 9-10hrs is excessive really when the minimum amount of sleep u should get each night to function is 8 hrs ur ok! Keep up the good effort with food and send me sum of ur sucess with it! man im doing bad with it right now its awful!
I know what you mean about the motivation. I am trying to stick to my exercise routine at the moment although seem to have the breaking strain of a kitkat now that its getting cold and all I want to do is curl up!! well done re the food side though - I know what you mean about feeling bad about writing a disappointing journal - its motivating to not binge!
There were an awful lot of shoulds there! Keep an eye out for \'shoulds\'. They are impossible to live up to! I think that your standards for yourself are so high that you expect prefection, like a hundred per cent class attendence, but trying to be perfect is the quickest way I know to completely paralyse yourself. And I wouldn\'t worry about sleeping a lot, we all need different ammounts of sleep at different times, depending on hormones, time of year etc. Plus without the constant sugar high from bingeing your body is just adapting. It will level out later! Congrats on how well things are going with your food!
Like you say on a good note - Eating is great - who would have thought all those weeks ago that we would be reporting such positive behaviours. Don\'t fret about your classes your Mojo will come back and you\'ll be raring to go before you know it.