back on track today after my cheating yesterday. i actually stayed down around 1500 cals to try to bring my average down a little. i was reading someone's journal who was talking about how a lot of people with ed's are perfectionists. i dont know if i would consider myself a perfectionist, although i feel i am more of one when my life is more in control and i just care more about things. however, a characteristic of myself that i feel may lead to my bingeing is the fact that i dont like to leave things unfinished. if i start something, i want to finish it. if i'm bingeing on something and there is some food left, i want to finish eating it just so its done. does that make sense? for example, i'm eating cookies and i've already had 4 and there's only 4 left. i just want to finish eating the whole bag instead of leaving some in there. maybe that is linked to being a perfectionist...i dont know. its just weird because i feel like not wanting to leave things incomplete is a good quality to have but not when it comes to eating. why cant i just leave some for later? why do i feel the need to finish it? i've been doing better obviously since i havent binged in over 5 weeks. but, its still a thought that runs through my head when i eat something and there's one left and i have to struggle not to eat the last one just so there's none left. so i guess now all i can do is just acknowledge the fact that this is something i do and actually make sure not to finish things just because. i'll try harder to leave one.
Replies
I know exactly what you mean. I can\'t leave something unfinished, unsaid or uneaten! For the first time in forever I actually left some of my lunhc yesterday, because I realised I didn\'t have the appetite for it. But it was so hard. Why do we think like that?!
It\'s so hard is\'nt it, i struggle with when i make the children\'s sandwiches they don\'t like crusts, so i cut them off, normally i would shove them in without a second thought, now i have to really concentrate and pick them up and put them in the bin, its so easy to think its only a little bit or that won\'t matter or what a waste!!! but like you say when we acknowledge the problem it makes it easier to deal with and focus on.
I know what you mean. It could be because we are told to clean our plates at meals when we are children. But we are also told not to talk to strangers! Funny how we hang onto things that are no longer helping.
Agree with the cleaning the plate. I\'m a super neat person, so that could be it. Or the fact my family is Italian. If there\'s a little left on the table, they make you feel guilty and that someone has to \"clean it up\" because it\'s there. It\'s not going to help those starving kids in China! My mom (thankfully) says that it\'s more waste on your body than in the trash.
and even if i dont like the food, i cant waste it. i will finish it. i cant leave a few cookies or the last of the cereal or anything. it drives me crazy but i hate waste. i have upside down bottles all over my fridge for this reason..it looks crazy!
I am so proud of you! Thank you for journaling your success with all of us, and please continue to do so! I read all your past journals and am so inspired to continue with my recovery. Your success has brought true joy to my heart!