i can feel the temptation. i've been in my apartment pretty much all day taking care of some things - putting together all the apts i'm gonna call and make appointments with tomorrow, getting my credit report ready, doing some serious cleaning in my apt and going through everything in my room and getting rid of a whole bunch of shit i dont need anymore before i move....and i still have to pack for my 2 day trip to LA cuz i wont have time to do it tomorrow. i chose to have a solo day cuz my roommate is gone and i just wanted to take a whole entire day and night for myself to relax and take care of all these things. i've been doing totally fine all day, until right about now. i went to get my car where i keep it parked (about a 15 min walk from my apt) and bring it closer so i can get it easier on monday morning. i had planned to go to the gym immediately after but after the long hunt for a street parking spot (the reason why i rent a spot) i was just annoyed and didnt feel like going anymore. my body feels a little tired anyway, which doesnt always stop me, but if my mood is down then its so much easier to take the day off. so as i was walking home i had thoughts of eating junk, which were immediately followed by reasons why i cant - i've gone 1 month without a binge, its not worth it, it wont make me feel better but probably make me want more junk, i'll feel guilty afterwards, i would have wasted a "cheat" day (meaning going over 2000 cals to me) on a day that i'm not enjoying with others. so i came home, sliced up a cucumber and now i'm drinking tea. i think i've calmed down some and am feeling better. i know there are atleast 2 reasons i started feeling this way. one is because my roommate isnt here (yay!!!) and we all know how "fun" it is to eat junk when no one is around. the second, which i always find hard to deal with, is that i've been alone all day. i dont think its a good idea if i do this to myself anymore, and i think i dont like doing it as much as i think i do. i need to go out and be with people. i know i'd be happier. but why dont i? i have no idea. today i atleast had plans to do all the things i had mentioned before, and i feel so much beter having gotten them done, but there are definitely other days when i isolate myself for really no reason except that i can. my plan is that when i move i want to be more social. i want to spend much more time hanging out with friends and wanting to be alone less. i think i'm just used to  isolating myself and being alone so i can binge, but now that i dont binge i dont have that need to be alone but its more of a habit that i want to get away from everyone. at the same time, there really isnt anyone i want to hang out with here either....except my friends that live across the bridge (pain in the butt to get my car and get over there) and the guy i'm dating (who by the way i work with) but we came across an issue the last time we hung out so its better that i wait until tomorrow when i see him at work to talk to him again instead of calling him today. other than that, there's really no one else i want to call. its funny how i have so many friends yet i dont have the desire to hang out with any of the ones that are more convienient to me...meaning the ones that live in the city. i also find it hard to build these friendships more now that i'm leaving. lets just hope i can make some fun friends that i'll actually want to spend all my time with once i move. i get kinda jealous of other girls who are hanging out with friends all the time and i wish i could be that way. well, my mission is to be one of those girls. no longer the girl that is always seen alone but the one who always seems to have someone by her side.