a friend of a co-worker brought a HUGE piece of chocolate cake with white frosting into work tonight. as soon as i saw it i looked at my friend and said "i'm definitely not having any of that" and that was it. i dont even really like chocolate cake, but i know that if this happened a few months ago i would have tried it, and had many bites. however, about an hour after it had been presented i did have a forkful of just the frosting, cuz i loooooove white frosting (could totally binge on a container of that shit) but that was it. i enjoyed that one taste of it and moved on with my night and didnt even think about having another. i actually forgot it wasd even there. what an accomplishment. to actually not stress myself about wanting to go back for more and constantly thinking about it until either i have more or until i leave the building to go home. i really feel i have changed in the past 3 weeks and i love it. peanut butter has been a problem for me for the past two years. i never bought it so i never had it in my house, but things changed when i lived with my aunt and uncle. i remember nights where i would spread pb on bread and eat that...and then do it again....and probably again. sometimes i felt like i always had to have things in 3's, its weird. its like "mmmm, that was good, i want another" and then "ok, just one more cuz it was so good", and then be done....or move on to something else. anyway, sometimes i would just eat the pb by the spoonful, omg so good. that was a big problem for me while i was living there cuz i'd keep eating it and they'd just keep buying it. now my current roommate buys it too! there were many times i'd eat right out of that thing, saying i'd just have one spoonful and ended up having 3 or 4....and that shit's full of calories. there was even one time i remember buying a replacement because i had eaten enough that she would have noticed and i was too embarassed. i remember being relieved when she wouldnt buy it. so now, its back in the cabinet. i have not even considered eating it. i've thought about what i used to do, and i even smelled it once, but have never had the urge to eat it. i'm over bingeing on peanut butter. friggin awesome. its the little things like these that remind me of how far i've come. to notice how i used to deal with these situations compared with now. its just gotten easier to say no. its always been easier to say no to someone else than it has been to say no to myself, but now it doesnt seem that way. or its not even that i have to tell myself no since i dont want it. maybe its just cuz i'm more aware or what i really want instead of what i think i want. i always thought i wanted to binge, but seriously, who wants to do that??? i really wanted something else but bingeing was just so much easier and available. now i can stop and think about what's going on and deal with things the right way. bingeing will not help in any way for anything. its never the answer. doing it is just a way of taking the easy way out and that's not how i want to live my life.